Weariness

I was discussing weariness with a friend via Facebook and e-mail today. Seems like I know quite a few people who are feeling weary lately. I sent this e-mail to her this evening and just thought I could share it.

"I can so relate to what you are saying. Since we moved (and even before that), I have been so WEARY. Exhausted, spent, done, tired, frazzled, worn out ... I use all those words all the time. Lately, the verse that seems to be swimming in my brain is "Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." I know some versions say, "if we faint not." Seems pretty appropriate most days! I beg the Lord to keep me from giving up. I love homeschooling, love my children, but I am weary.

So, in order to quote that verse correctly (usually it rattles around "let us not grow weary in doing good ..." That's about all I can remember right!), I had to look it up online (www.biblegateway.com). Wow, how many awesome verses are there about weariness? Since we're both struggling with this, we're going to study this together. Glad you're on board with this and all. :-)

Isaiah 40:29 He gives strength to the *weary* and increases the power of the weak. - oh my, Lord, give us STRENGTH and increase YOUR power in us, for we surely are weak!!!

Isaiah 40:30 Even youths grow tired and *weary*, and young men stumble and fall; - somehow I find this very encouraging. I feel like I'm getting old. My body is worn out. So, good to know this isn't just an aging thing! :-)

Isaiah 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow *weary*, they will walk and not be faint. - Let us put our HOPE in the LORD - the maker of heaven and earth. If He can do all He can do, I know He can renew us.

Isaiah 50:4 The Sovereign LORD has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the *weary*. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught. - WOW. I don't know if I've read this one before.

Jeremiah 31:25 I will refresh the *weary* and satisfy the faint. - You know, many years ago I was so completely convicted that the only true refreshment comes from time with Him. He is our source of strength and refreshing. Whenever we are feeling exhausted, weary ... we need to get on our knees and turn to Him for refreshment.

Lamentations 5:5 Those who pursue us are at our heels; we are *weary* and find no rest. - ok, I had to put this one on here because it's sort of funny. I mean, seriously, don't you feel this way about your kids sometimes? :-)

Matthew 11:28 Come to me, all you who are *weary* and burdened, and I will give you rest. - This one says it all and makes me want to lay down, pray and weep. I am WEARY. Please give me rest Lord!!!

Revelation 2:3 You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown *weary*. - And this is our hope, that one day we will hear these words from our Lord. "Well done my good and faithful servant." We have to keep our eyes fixed on Him. He is our Hope, our Strength, our Goal. :-)

All right, that's all I see at this moment. Please, do your own search and add to this!!! Send it back with your thoughts. We so need to be encouraging each other. I think I will copy all these verses and post them to read daily.

You know, side note, I did not have JOY in my kids a few years back. I spent every day for a year praying that He would give me joy. He did. He can also give us strength and refreshment."


So, please share with us how you find refreshment when you are weary. Do you have other verses that you meditate on?

Hormones (just warning you)

My hormones must be WAY out of whack today. I feel like screaming if anyone makes a noise or touches me. Nice. Like those things never happen in my house! And #2 child (Anne) is in a mood today too - thanks to a couple things happening to her this morning. Which means she's being a grump about EVERYTHING today. Gee, math was fun this morning!

Does anyone else have hormones that go all whacky like this? Seriously, tell me I'm normal here! It's "that time of the month". Grrrr.

Can I go back to bed today?

Weather

Back when I was a child, I loved Colorado. I loved to ski, hike, camp, anything outdoors. I think my opinion is changing. It's been SO STINKING COLD here. I am not sure I've ever known that the wind chill is 29 degrees below zero, but that's what it was today. People, this is COLD. We have a "weather advisory" tonight - if your skin is exposed to the temps for more than 30 minutes you will have frostbite. Thirty minutes? Ok, let's move to the beach. Florida? San Diego? Somewhere that I don't have to worry about frostbite because I need to get the trash out in the morning!!! You cannot be outdoors in this weather. Unless, you are a child. Here's proof:









Something is still screwy when I post pictures, so I can't see them after I upload them. I'll see if it actually worked!

What's the Solution??

Apparently my post yesterday generated a bit of interest. The feelings of pressure are not felt by only me, or only homeschool moms, or only women. We ALL feel pressure in our lives. So what do we do?

First, let me give you a bit more background to yesterday. Before I wrote that post, I had yelled at my kids. Yes, I know, everyone has yelled at their kids. But, for me, it is the WORST thing I can EVER do. I was thinking of I Corinthians 13 yesterday - you know, the passage about love. It says, "If I speak in the tongues of men and angels but have not love I am a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal..." It goes on to say basically that we can have all these "gifts", but without love they are nothing. So, my version yesterday was, "If I educate my kids and they go to Harvard, but have not love, the education is worthless. If I have a clean house, but have not love, the clean house is dirty. If I only give my kids healthy foods, but have not love, I am still making them sick." Get the point? So if I'm yelling at my kids to get the house cleaned? Seriously? What is my priority!!! My relationship with these children is my priority. Recognizing that they see Christ in me, so if I yell at them, what do they think of Him? For me, yelling at my kids ruins my entire day.

Second, all the things I feel pressure to do are good things. I want a good marriage! I want to educate my children well! I want to be in shape! I want to spend time with the Lord! I want to have a clean house! I want to feed my family healthy foods! None of these things are bad! Some of them are not optional. :-) So how do we do it all? What can we give up?

God says He won't give us more than we can handle. That He will provide for all of our needs. That He will give to us when we ask. All of that does not negate that there are only so many hours in my day. Only so much of me to go around. So, again, how do we do it all?

I think part of the key is focusing on the most important. Training our children to help us. But we also need to be helping each other out. We need to be recognizing that ALL of us need help, in some way. We need to start paying attention to our friends, neighbors, family and offering to help. We can make extra for supper and offer it. We can watch each others kids at times. We can help clean a house. We can just spend time with each other, listening, sharing, encouraging.

Well, that's all I can think of right now and all I have time for. David needs help drawing a sloth. :-) Oh, fun. Art. :-)

A Foul Mood

Today I'm in a real snit. I just thought I would share. I mean, we always post such nice things about ourselves and our families. Don't you all want to know the darker side? The reality that goes on in my crazy brain.

You have been forewarned. Foul mood. Honesty. Oh, and if you comment, tell me I make you laugh. Don't tell me how to fix myself or my circumstances. I'm a woman. I don't want a fix. I want to VENT.

Eric's out of town. That time of the month. I stayed up WAY too late the other night. Just giving you some background. Oh, and the house is a mess. My kids are normal (which means naughty sometimes).

I am so sick of the amount of pressure that is put on women today. Particularly homeschooling mothers, but I think the pressure is there for all of us.

Let's start with food. We should make healthy meals for our families (for me that's 3 times a day every single day, plus snacks). And we're supposed to do that without spending too much money. Fast food isn't good for you or your kids, so you should not do that. Restaurants are too expensive, so skip that too. Cereal isn't healthy. Granola bars have too much sugar (just make your own). Regular milk is full of antibiotics and hormones, so you should spend $5-6 per gallon, oh, but don't spend TOO much money. Oh, and we're supposed to stay thin and trim in all of this too, so don't eat too many cookies (but you should make them for your kids, right - as long as they are healthy and have some alternative sugar, whole wheat flour, coconut oil ...).

Now education. Homeschooled kids are all WAY smart. Right? I mean, they test above average, they make it to Harvard easily. They are always WAY ahead of their peers. PRESSURE people. I want to tell people to SHUT UP sometimes when they mention how their kid is 2 grades ahead in math. SO WHAT. BRAGGART. My kid is behind in math. I could care less about them getting into Harvard. As for standardized testing - hate it. And Latin - why? What happened to it being a HUGE deal if people could write their names and read a little bit? Seriously? Now I'm supposed to have my kids memorize the entire history timeline, make sure they speak Greek and Latin in elementary school, have them play an instrument amazingly well (oh, and since I play the piano I should be the one teaching them too - saves money!), know how science fits into history, do hands on projects ... Shut up.

And how about our houses? Oh, I should want my house to be a welcoming place, a frilly, smelly, beautiful home where other people come in and can relax (or gag). We should decorate and keep them neat and clean at all times. And how is this possible with kids? Organized? Clean? Decorated? Am I ever allowed to sleep?

Spiritual development. First I'm supposed to maintain a quiet time with the Lord every day. If this means I have to get up at 5 a.m. to spend that time before the kids wake up I should. Then I'm supposed to make sure my kids know the Bible in and out. Apologetics, creation, Bible memorization, chatechism ... AND I'm supposed to train them using the right words and the right methods so that they will not turn into axe murderers. PLUS I'm supposed to do everything with a quiet and gentle spirit. I should never yell at my children. I'm setting the example for them here. So if they do turn into axe murderers, you will know it is my fault.

Marriage. On top of all this, I should make sure that I am still attractive to my spouse. Which means I should fit in some time for exercise, showers, keeping my hair nice, putting on makeup (buying it, knowing what to buy...). Oh! And dressing nicely for him too. Which means I should purchase nice clothes, but remember - don't spend too much money! And I should spend time with him, make him nice meals, meet his needs when he wants ...

You do know that in some countries they are considered good mothers if they feed their children - anything. Education? Clean house? They are worried about basic survival. Here we have the luxury to not have to worry about basic survival so we worry about a thousand other things.

So the next time you blog or post on Facebook about how wonderful your life is or about how you're sitting with your cup of tea/coffee and your children are contentedly sitting around you, gazing up at you as if you are the Madonna, excuse me if I tell you to SHUT UP.

***I want to add that this pressure is not from one place. My husband does NOT pressure me to be perfect in all these areas. The pressure comes from all over the place!!

Sweet

Our Little Bit is such a sweetie. She definitely is a toddler - doesn't like being told "no" at all. But most of the time she is happy. She gets in to everything! Runs all over the house, climbs all she can find, loves to be the center of attention, loves people ... So cute.

About 3 last night (yep, middle of the night) she woke up crying. I headed to her room to get her. As soon as she heard me (I usually start saying "shh" as I walk down the hall), she got quiet. When I walked in her room, she did a quick lap around her crib and dove to lay down - all with a smile on her face. She popped her head up to see me and gave me a huge smile and reached for me. I picked her up and as we walked out of the room, she was waving and saying "bye" to Anne (they share a room). SO cute! I was smiling and loving every second of this - at 3 a.m. :-)

On a different note, I really can NOT stand military recalls (for those not military, you get a phone call and they are supposed to call people on the list - that's as much as I *get* this thing). At 5:40 this morning, our phone rang. Before Eric could get to the phone the answering machine picked up. This booming voice comes over the answering machine "Col D this is Col S ..." ARGH. I wanted to scream! NOT smiling over that. Still made at Col S - I know it isn't his fault, but I have to send my frustration towards him today! :-)

Poop

Today, my kids made "Scat Cookies" or "Coprophagy Cookies". Coprophagia is when an animal eats it's own poop. Nice. We have a book, Nature's Yucky, that my kids LOVE. At the end of the book there is a recipe for making your own Scat Cookies - including how to shape them to look like certain animal's scat. I'm pretty sure my kids have never enjoyed school so much. The comments! Gross and hilarious at the same time.

"The poop is too big, it won't cook all the way through." "That's ok, it will be squishy like poop!"

"Mom! I just made human poop!"

"Stop eating your poop."

You can imagine how many more great things were said. They now want to have a Disgusting Food Restaurant. Pee Lemonade, Chocolate Pudding Diarrhea ... They're still trying to come up with an idea for vomit.

And just think, I covered science, vocabulary and home ec today!

**Oh, and if you don't own this book yet, you have to buy it. I think we'll be getting their 2nd one for Christmas.

Life is Hard!

I sent this in an e-mail to a friend today and thought maybe I could ask for ideas and prayers from more people.

I'm in need of encouragement this week. Anne is being ... oh ... so ... grumpy? Defiant? Attitudeish? :-) We're on week 2 of her being just naughty. She pouts, stomps, slams her door, yells at the other kids, tells me "NO", and then, when she's not doing all that, she does little things that are VERY annoying - makes mouth noises, taps, kicks, picks at things. And she's destructive when she's in these moods - tosses things off chairs, rips paper up ... Are you getting the picture? EXHAUSTING. Yes, I'm spanking her. Yes, she's getting sent to her bed. Yes, I'm praying for her and with her. Yes, I'm loving her and holding her. It never feels like it's enough though. My patience wears thin. I lose my temper. I lose control of my tongue. We think we've "reached" her - have some hours of peace, harmony, love and then it starts all over again the next day.

Today I told Eric I wished I were 20 again. :-) He was sweet and hugged me.

So there you have the reality of my life at times. Any suggestions? Please pray for her and for us!!!

***Additional info: I figured diet would be mentioned. It is something I should check - allergies to foods? Although I cannot imagine what it could be. My cousin mentioned a possibility for diabetes - again, something I could get checked.

All that to say I don't think that is it. After I posted this, we had a major issue later in the day. She was outside, got in an argument with Dawn. Dawn came in, "accidentally" locked the sliding glass door. Anne came to the door (I was sitting within 15 feet of the door, so I saw this), tried the door and immediately started pounding on the door. I got up to open the door and before I could even get there, she had thrown a large rock into the door. Praise God the door didn't break. I lost my cool, sent her to her room and called Eric. He said extra chores. I took her outside and had her do some extra weeding. I sat out there with her. While she was weeding, she said "you don't love me. You think I'm a pile of trash." This is the second time she's said something along that line in the last week. I've always known she *feels* very deeply and feels like she is unlovable. I obviously told her how much we do love her and how we show it. Later in the day she took a long nap.

So, fatigue? Food? Allergies? Diabetes? Just feels unloved so behaves like she is unlovable? Feels unlovable so she behaves horribly? We are praying extra hard about this. Thanks for praying with us, encouraging me and offering ideas!

Pictures ... Maybe

I tried to post pictures the other day. Didn't work. 2nd times a charm? :-)

When I look at this on my edit page, it's just a bunch of letters and numbers. I know it's working, but I can't see the pictures! So I'll tell the stories of the pictures, but I can't put it under the picture. :-)

One is of fall leaves at Mueller State Park. Beautiful aspen leaves! I love fall!

One is a snake. Great story goes with this one. We were out at a cemetery and there wasn't a bathroom facility. So Anne and her cousin were skipping through the grass to go find a place to "go". This snake came after them! My guess is it was out sunning itself and they got way too close. It felt threatened so it let them know he was scary. And he WAS! He was about 4-5 feet long. A bullsnake, but still, scary. My favorite part was after when Anne asked her cousin if she still had to go to the bathroom (as if she had peed her pants when it happened)! :-)

There is a picture of frost - huge frost. Last weekend we had freezing temperatures for the whole weekend. Dawn and I went for a walk - the picture of her is when she fell. Such fun!

Well, I don't even remember what other pictures I put on here. Ask if you're curious about one and I didn't explain. I've been interrupted 20 times while posting this.

Read This

My cousin, Ranee, posted something on her blog because of my "Blip" blog. She has such a better perspective than I do! Go read! :-)

Computers

I had great plans today to put pictures and a video on here. Tried to and it didn't work! No picture showed up, but a bunch of gobbledygook did. Whatever. Now I'm trying to upload pictures to Facebook, but I don't think that's working either. I think I tried to upload too many at a time and my computer can't handle it. Now I'm on Eric's computer. Of course, I put the pictures from my camera on MY computer, not his, so I can't do anything with the pictures on here! Argh. Computers drive me NUTS sometimes. I think it's time to get a new one for me. Eric bought a new one last year and the CD drive thingy doesn't work already.

I know, I know. Get a Mac.

A Blip

I've had some thoughts to post for a while, but can't seem to figure out how to write it. Guess I'll just start writing and hope it makes sense! :-) If it doesn't, enjoy the laugh or confusion.

Most of you know that I've spent my life moving. I've lived in about 13 different towns in my life. Some of those I lived in and moved back to. I think it's been about 22 or 23 houses. Again, some in the same town. I went to 7 different schools growing up. Being married to an Air Force man has actually made me MORE stable. Yep, bizarre. I think the only one who can relate to this much moving is my cousin, Ranee. (Right Ranee?)

I can look back on most places I lived and I have fond memories of people who lived there too. I think we were great friends and think they must remember me in the same way. Recently though, I had someone I remembered well tell me they didn't remember me very well. What? We were friends! How could that be? And then I realized something. I was a blip on her radar screen. When you grow up in one place and stay there, why would you remember someone you were friends with for 2 years? The people I think of as "great" friends only knew me for 1-3 years at best. They've had friends they have known since birth - and they still see them. They KNOW those people. Me, I was just this silly girl who lived by them for a short while and then I moved away.

Obviously this was a bit painful to realize. You mean all these people I remember with fondness may not remember me at all? Or if they do it is a vague memory. And, I really don't know them. Never did. I don't know their families. I don't know what they love. I don't know them now. And I never will unless I move back to that town, settle in and work very hard to know them and be known by them.

Because of all the moving, I've never felt like I "fit" in anywhere. I think I know why now. I don't! :-) My relationships with people, at this point in time, consist mainly of e-mail, Facebook and blogs. This isn't real. How many people really know me? It takes time to know people. Years. Time spent together. Time in each others homes. Time just hanging out and learning about the other person. How is this possible for me?

I remember when I realized that sometimes people don't like me just because. I didn't have to do anything mean or wrong, they just didn't like ME. It was so painful. I always thought that if I just was nice, friendly, happy, real, people would like me. But they don't! I actually had someone dislike me because I was a vegetarian! (I'm not anymore. Do you think she would like me now?) Realizing that I am not as "memorable" to people as I thought has been sort of painful too.

What's the point here? I don't know! :-) It's just something I've been thinking of, mulling over and trying to figure out. I want to "fit" in. I want to be remembered. I want to have friends! Don't we all? Just how do you do all that when you move around?

***Forgot to add. Recently some old friends came into Colorado Springs. People I thought were *great* friends once upon a time. They didn't call me. Made no effort to come see me. I don't think it's because they don't like me. I think it is because I was a blip. They lived here for YEARS. I lived here and knew them for maybe two years. Made me wish I had been more than a blip in their lives and that they would want to make the time for me. I understand why they didn't, but still...

Attitude

Anne started out having a very rough day today. Who knows why. I never seem to know what triggers a rough day with my children. I'm guessing it was due to a very busy past 3 days. She does need time to play by herself and time spent with Mom that is unhurried.

I sort of knew she was "off", but was positive of this when I told her it was time to start her math. She was, ummm, unhappy. That's a nice way of putting it. A huge pout came over her face. And, man, this one can POUT! Lips out, cheeks puffed out. A sour face! I decided the wisest thing to do was just sit with her and have her do her math orally. This worked for the most part. She did the math, but still with a sour face. Then we got to the 2nd to the last problem. She decided she could not figure out how many 10's were in 40. I knew she knew the answer. She's very very smart. And equally as stubborn. I told her to skip count by 10's. She said, "10, 20, 30, 40 ... (long pause) ... 50?" Whatever child. I actually used the "s" word with her. Now, all you mom's are laughing and everyone else is confused. I said (shhh) "stupid". "You are NOT stupid. You are smart. Do not act stupid with me. I know you KNOW this. Stop pretending to be stupid. You are NOT stupid." Can you see I had lost my patience by this point?

Little side note - how many times, if you are a homeschool mom or you have more kids than someone else, have you been told "I just couldn't do what you do, I don't have enough patience." Let me tell you something. Neither do I!!!!! Patience is something that has been slow in coming to this woman here. I struggle with it daily. I lose my temper. Bite my tongue. Grit my teeth. Groan. Lose it. Yell (not so often as I used to). Trust me. No one has the patience to do these things. If God didn't work in my life every second of the day, oh my, I hate to think where we would be today!

Back to the story. I finally remembered to pray. "God, give me wisdom, patience, mercy, grace because I have NONE of these right now. Forgive me. Help!" We finally finished math. Spent a lot of time cuddling. I asked her to forgive me for losing my patience. Sigh. Things seemed better for a while.

Then I told her she had to write something. If she chose not to, she couldn't do the sewing class with Grandma. So she wrote. Horrible penmanship and many misspelled words (she can spell very well). Sigh again. I sat down and talked to her about it. Yep, she did it on purpose. WHY? Again, who knows! This time I just asked her if she wanted to pray about her bad attitude with me because Grandma would not want her doing the sewing class if she was that grumpy. We prayed.

Sewing class. Who is THIS child? Laughing, smiling, hugging me over and over again. Bright shining eyes, happy happy happy! Next time we just start praying TOGETHER before we do anything else. :-)

***During the math struggle, I told her she had to change her attitude or she would get a doll taken away. I took one doll. She hit a brother. I took another doll for that. She hit the other brother. I took a third doll! I need to remember that being stubborn also means she has perseverance. Right?

Snow

Yep, it is snowing here. What day is it again? Still September, right? WOW. Snow. The high temp for today is supposed to be 41. Currently 36 with high winds. A tad bit chilly out. Good thing the kids have a track meet tonight. I think I will be freezing my backside off later! :-)

***I am actually LOVING this weather. Fire is going. Hot chocolate for the kids. Coffee for me. Cookies fresh out of the oven. Potato soup planned for supper. YEAH!

Quote

I pulled a book of the shelf today, opened it up and here is the underlined quote that I read:

"These children are dear to Me. Be a mother to them, and more than a mother. Watch over them tenderly, be just and kind. If thy heart is not large enough to embrace them, I will enlarge it after a pattern of My own. If these young children are docile and obedient, bless Me for it; if they are froward, call upon Me for help; if they weary thee, I will be thy consolation; if thou sink under thy burden, I will be thy Reward."

This was written on a card and pasted in the front of Amy Carmichael's Bible. Just thought I would share with you today. :-) (The book is A Chance to Die: The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael by Elisabeth Elliot.)

Busy Busy Busy

I keep thinking of things to post here, but I've been a bit busy the past couple weeks. Someone called me a "type A personality" today. I think she may have been a bit too correct.

I just have a little rant and then I need to get to bed. I was watching one of these house buying shows tonight and it made me MAD! This couple, just TWO people, were buying a house in Oregon. A SECOND house. They currently live in New Mexico - in a home with 4 bedrooms, 3 baths, etc. They want a vacation home in Oregon, so they can live by the beach sometimes. Why do I care? Only because they went on and on and on about how "environmental" they were. WHAT? Seriously? Just because you buy "green" appliances does NOT make you environmental. People rip on big families because we're so hard on the environment, but these people recycle, so they're ok? Whatever. Two homes - two fairly LARGE homes (one they looked at was 1700 square feet - for TWO people). And how are they going to get back and forth from New Mexico to Oregon? I'm sure it requires fuel of some sort. Oh, wait, maybe they BUY carbon offsets so that makes it all ok. GRRRR.

OK, done ranting. I don't know why this ticked me off, but I just had to say something. :-) Thanks for checking in here and listening to my rant! :-)

Poetry

My girls decided to write a few poems today. No, we are not teaching poetry this year. They just decided to do this during quiet time! :-) The first three are written by Anne. The second are written by Dawn. They really are best if you could hear them read them. Anne puts such great inflection in her voice! Love it! :-)


The Yes Poem

The word that's best
It beats the rest
And maybe you know
That it makes the children squeal
When they want to watch a video

When you say no or maybe
It isn't even right!
When you say it wrong it just starts a fight!
When your child asks you a question
Like, "Can I have a popsicle?"
The answer should be "YES!
YES YES YES!!!"


The No Poem

But Dad!
Why not Mom?

Oh, it's an awful word!
The word that everyone hates!
It has two letters
That even go hand in hand in the alphabet!

And the word it makes is - NO!
Oh why did it have to be no?


The Maybe Poem

I want a yes or maybe a no
Not a maybe so!
It's almost as bad as no
At least it's better than no!
But I would rather have a yes!
Maybe doesn't do anything
Besides make you wonder
Is it yes or a no?
If you say maybe you just waste time
Wondering if it's a yes or a no
thank it is a no
Because you wasted time!
Maybe could be worse than no
Maybe maybe maybe all day

Who invented that word anyway?


Yes

Ah yes
That wonderful
Happy
Joyful Word
That perfectly right word!

It makes the children from 15 and under
Squeal with joy!
But it makes me wonder
How could a little word like YES
Mean so much?


No

That awful word
That horrible word
That makes the babies and children cry.

That painful word
That means you can't or shouldn't have!

Although you probably already know
What the word is,
Just to be sure
The word is simply "No"


Maybe

Ugh, that strange word!
When y ou simply need a yes or no!
But somehow, instead of yes or no
It's maybe!

The word that leaves the children in suspense
When they really really want a yes!

The word that leaves them wondering
"What will she say next?"


Horse

The strong muscles
The ear splitting whinny
The horses wild and free!

The paint
The palomino
The piercing black stallion who takes you through the fields!

But out of all of them
It was the rearing black and white paint
That was mine.


A Storm

A violent thing
A beautiful thing
A grey dot in the middle of blue.

The roaring thunder
The flashing lightning
The rain that pours down on us!

But in our house it is a cozy sight
To watch the storm from afar.

School

I've been asked by numerous people what we do for school or what we are doing this year. We are very eclectic in our approach to school. We sort of follow a classical model, but throw in some Charlotte Mason, some workbooks and some confusion and that's what we do! :-) This year we are changing things a bit more. Mainly, we are trying to not focus so much on academics and instead focus on character issues. With a move last year, a baby and lots of sickness, we are having some pretty big character struggles with our kids (and ourselves at times!). Our hope is that we can maintain minimum structured academics (math and reading) and spend more time working together and enjoying each other while getting the other academics done (science, history, language arts). How is this all going to work? I am not sure at this point. You know, I always have this vision of what school will/should/could look like and very rarely does it happen that way. :-)

Here's what we are planning. My (good) day will start with us all getting up, getting dressed, eating breakfast and doing devotions together. Then we will get some chores done - some every day ones and (hopefully) one "big" chore we can do together. We've been trying this model for about 4 weeks now and some days it works, others, it doesn't. The days it works are the days I am on top of things, staying on top of the kids and making it all happen. If I let my guard down for a while (get on the phone, get on the computer, take a shower!, go to the bathroom - ha ha - only partly true) it all seems to fall apart. Obviously, the goal is that this will start happening without me hovering, but for now ... After all that, I'm trying to get Little Bit down for a nap (around 9) and then we do math. If we don't do math first, it will NOT happen. Again, we've been following this part for about 4 weeks and mostly it's happening. The hardest part of math is trying to have 4 kids do math at the same time - at 4 different levels. Trying to switch my brain from the preschooler and teaching him shapes, numbers (and he needs help nonstop and is NOT quiet about asking for it - or patient) to jumping over and teaching the 6th grader how to divide fractions. My brain is worn out by the end!

So far that is all I've been doing consistently. My goal for right now is to get at least one other subject done during the day. We've done an ok job at geography. We're using A Child's Geography, which is very friendly to all the kids and yet isn't boring for our oldest. For history we will be studying the Middle Ages through the Renaissance (ought to learn how to spell that word - took me a few tries!). We'll have the kids listen to Story of the World vol 2 on CD and then have readers and read-alouds to go with it. My dream is to have everything sort of correspond with history - music, art, literature... Not sure we will accomplish it, but I want to try. Science is chemistry this year and we're using a fun science, Real Science 4 Real Kids. We've used this before and the kids loved it. The experiments are easy. Also, the Pre-Science books correspond by chapter with the regular books, so we can keep all the kids on the same chapter. Eric is planning on keeping up with the science with them.

Now, language arts. We've tried many different things here. This year, we will try to drop all the different parts and combine it into one. Instead of grammar, spelling, writing, vocabulary and handwriting (although Anne is learning cursive and Dawn is learning typing), we are going to notebooking/journaling. The idea there is that when they learn something in history or science or take a field trip or go on a hike, they journal about it and draw pictures about it (art!). So far this has been working great for the girls, not so great for Joseph (he's almost 6 and hates drawing and writing). We're still working on it though. Joseph will dictate to me and I write it down. Oh, so how does that cover language arts? Well, if they have errors in spelling, grammar or poor penmanship, we correct it and they can rewrite.

I'm sure I'm skipping a few things here, but it doesn't matter. You get the main idea of what we're trying to do. I guess I've had pretty rough time trying to juggle 5 kids, 3 not really doing school, 2 heavily into the academics, plus the rest of normal life. I know, I know, I have many friends who seem to do this well. I can't. I don't know why, but I've just struggled so much with it this past year.

What I was really hoping to post about here was how God has been trying to open my eyes to stepping back from the academics and trying to enjoy the kids and work more on character issues. I had some good quotes and everything! But, if you're like me, this blog post is long enough and you have other things to get done. Maybe I will post about that subject another day. :-)

Monday Morning

Little Bit is sitting on the floor next to me, pulling popsicle wrappers out of the trash and sucking on them. And I'm letting her. Gross, you think? She is the 5th, so my standards are way low, and it is Monday morning, so they're even lower than normal. #2, 3 and 4 children are running around taking silly pictures with my digital camera. And I'm letting them. They aren't fighting (too much) and are having fun (mostly). #1 child is playing in her room, trying to stay away from the chaos. :-) I envy her sometimes.

Apparently I skipped reading blogs last week. Or writing on mine. Not sure what happened. We have started school and I'm finding that to be slightly overwhelming. But I was still on the computer, so why didn't I read or blog? Maybe I was actually attempting to be responsible and pay attention to my kids. Nah, that can't be it! :-)

While attempting to catch up on blogs this morning (and ignoring my kids), I caught this from my cousin/friend, Melissa:

"For as long as I can remember I have felt that, at some point, people 'grow up,' they figure out life, and they know everything. They have wisdom and act upon it. They know what is best and they do it. And I've been wondering, subtly, in the back of my head, for years...'When will I reach that place? That grown up place where I know the answers, I have life figured out, and I am wise?'
I am laughing now, as I write this. There is no grown up place. There is no easy ride. I think I am learning to resign myself to the fact that I will always be learning more, growing more, developing a sense of who I am and how I operate and how to go forth in the world, until the day I die."

Lately I've been wondering this too. When will I finally feel like I'm the grown up? It sort of surprised me when I realize that there are younger moms out there, younger wives - who might even look at me and think I'm OLDER and therefore maybe a little bit more grown up. Yikes! That's actually a little scary. Part of me recognizes that, yes, I am more grown up than I used to be (of course when you're as immature as I was, it's not hard to grow up some!). But part of me also knows I have so stinking far to go. And, sadly, some days I don't want to be the grown up. I want to be irresponsible. I want to just play and have fun. I want to be the babysitter! :-) Most days I want an adult to come over and tell me what to do! :-) Then Eric comes home and I'm irritated with him for being the adult and not just wanting to play and wanting to let me play.

Along with this train of thought is that I really get to feeling trapped by being an adult some days. When I was a young adult, my goal was to have fun. That's it. I didn't want marriage, kids, responsibility, a college degree, a career. I wanted FUN. What happened??? :-) Most of the time I love my life - even with marriage, kids, responsibility ... But some days I look around and wonder how I got here. :-) Can I just ditch it all for a few hours and play? Not worry about cleaning the house, cooking meals, training kids, teaching school, being a wife. Being able to eat whatever I want because I'm 20 and don't worry about my fat butt and hips. Ahhh, now wouldn't that be nice?

All right. My kids have been neglected long enough. I have 2 kids crying next to me (well, whining). The oldest is asking when we can start school work (yes, she IS crazy). The baby needs a nap. The odds of a fight starting are increasing by the minute.

Time to go pretend that I'm the adult! :-)

Boys II

Apparently I've become very adept at ignoring my boys and their "boyishness". Last night, we were getting a bedtime snack. Joseph was getting his pajamas on in the boys room. Since David and he are unable to get along very well, and Little Bit was already asleep, we had David come into the kitchen to get his pajamas on. David threw his pajamas on the counter (they landed on a dirty griddle) and I was picking them off and straightening them. It barely even registered when David pulled his underwear down, bent over, faced his bum to me, grabbed the sides of his bum and said "pssss". Then he stood up, pulled his underwear up, turned to me with a HUGE grin on his face and said, "Ha ha, I sprayed stinky skunk on you!" At this point, it finally registered just what he had been doing. I tried to not laugh too hard, looked at Dawn and she just said, "Joseph does that ALL the time in the basement. He even did it once when we had company." So, if you've ever been sprayed by a stinky skunk in my house, I apologize! :-)

School

Lately everyone keeps asking me when we are going to start school this year. I usually want to rip their heads off and scream "NEVER". Instead I just say, "we're not sure." For obvious reasons, this past year was just rough. Every time we did school I just wanted to STOP and do nothing. I was behind in so many things and school just felt like a chore. We've decided to change up the way we do school this year - mainly to do more things together, including the boys in it. This means doing a whole lot more hands on, outdoors, active things! Good for all of us! Lots less of "school work".

Saturday before supper, Dawn cleaned the school room - without being asked. She asked me to come down and see it and then, she cornered me. "When are we starting school, Mom?" "Ummm, why, do you WANT to start school?" "YES. I'm bored." "Well, I guess we can start Math on Monday." Her reply?????? (Remember, this child is NOT in love with math - her worst subject.) "Yippee!" Oh goodness, what kind of a person am I raising here?

Needless to say, we started school today. I'm not thrilled, just because I don't feel ready. Not that I will feel ready in another month, or 2 months, or a year... I don't feel like I have a "plan" in place. Like I know exactly what we're doing for every subject. Like I have the school room organized. When I started complaining about this last night, Eric said, "so what, it will get done." I actually started crying a tiny bit. Who are we kidding? We're so behind and so unorganized at this point, when will we ever find time to get "ready" for school?

Today we did devotions, chores, math, art and geography. We're planning to head over to my sister's this afternoon and make bread - that counts for something. Oh, and the chores included cleaning out the crayfish tank (did I mention the kids caught a crayfish and it is now our pet?), cleaning up the dog poop in the back yard and cleaning out the cat litter. A pet chore day!

Boys

My boys crack me up all day long. Last night they were outside making "Poison Mud Soup." How cool is that! They are also REALLY into this "Nature's Yucky" book. I walked in the house this morning, AFTER MY RUN, and David calls to me, "Mom, we're eating bee throw up on our cereal!" Every time they have honey now, they tell me they are eating bee throw up. Yum. Makes me want to have some honey. Most days there are one or two things they do that I think I should blog about. If only I was able to get to the computer quickly every time!

I am SUCH a Bad Mom!

This morning, Dawn, our 11 year old, informed me that I was spoiling Little Bit. She did say this with a laugh, so don't get worried that Dawn was being sassy. Here are a few pictures of Little Bit while I was "spoiling" her.






Now, she is so happy! How could I have been spoiling her? I mean, a little bit of whipped cream on the high chair tray to keep a baby happy can't be spoiling her, can it? We were getting breakfast made, reading devotions while we ate and, look at how contented and happy she was. :-)

I guess she was referring to the fact that as soon as Little Bit squawked at me, I gave her more. Well, she can't say "please" yet. Or even "more". :-)

Running

I ran this morning.
Alone.
5 minutes walking, 5 minutes jogging, 2 minutes walking, 5 minutes jogging, 3 minutes walking.
Maybe it's a walk/jog then?
It felt good.
I didn't pee.
Nothing fell out. :-)
My lungs are in worse shape than my muscles!

I have a few things to post about today. Hopefully I'll get a chance.

Walking Video

I didn't think I'd get to post this, but I was encouraged to get it done. So, Teresa, here they are. The first video is when she first started taking steps (2 weeks ago). The second video was taken this morning.

How Could I Forget???

A huge thing in our little world, and yet I forgot to mention it! See, my brain is NOT working.

Little Bit is walking! She's so cute with it. Arms up or out, legs stiff, falls a lot, still crawls when wants to hurry up, but she's walking. She's 10-1/2 months and has been walking for about 2 weeks. I took video of it, but have a feeling I will never upload it. Maybe, but don't hold your breath! :-)

Even More Randomness Today!

Yep, life is pretty random right now. I keep thinking of great things to blog about, but just never sit down and write. Until times like right now, when nothing great comes to mind. :-)

Eric is in Hawaii this week. Lucky sap. His room overlooks the ocean. He's walked on the beach, gone to dinner with one of MY best friends (and her family - and he IS friends with her husband, but still), went shopping by himself, and taken a dip in the ocean. I'm here with the kids, got my period (personal info, but seriously, I had to add that) and just generally having a difficult week. I am so glad he is there and I do hope he's having a nice time. He is working - going to meetings all day today and tomorrow. I'm just having a difficult time understanding how our lives can be so different! I mean, he's in Hawaii??? Life is seriously NOT fair. :-)

We had Eric's brother and his family here last week. They also have kids. Loud. Very very loud. We did have fun taking them to the Garden of the Gods, Paint Mines, Helen Hunt Falls. My sister-in-law and I played a lot of Boggle late at night, which was great! On the way to the airport, we stopped at Castlewood Canyon - a wonderful place we had passed by many times. We hiked down into the canyon, where we had been told the kids could "wade". They went swimming. I took bunches of pictures, then set my camera down. The kids had gone downstream a little ways, so I got on the trail and found them. Without my camera. The best pictures could have been taken - 7 kids splashing and swimming around, having the time of their lives!

We are leasing a horse. Things didn't go well this morning, so I'm not in the mood to talk about it. But still figured I should tell. Her name is Oreo, she's a black and white paint. The girls have been taking lessons for a while. The boys always want a turn. We thought it would be an interesting experiment to see how it would be to "own" a horse for a while. This may be a very short while if things happen like they did this morning.

I know there were many many more things to say. Oh, I have to blog about school here eventually. And should post pictures.

Total Randomness

I have a bunch of unrelated things to say today. Probably unimportant too, but I just think they're interesting or humorous.

We are out of butter. Which is a BIG thing in my house. Eric does the grocery shopping (and I am forever grateful). I tell him to get butter every time he shops. He just does NOT get this. "Why do we need butter again? I just bought it!" My reply, "We use tons of butter, buy it every time." Well, recently he came home with 4 packs of margarine. Margarine? Seriously? He actually didn't know that he bought margarine, not butter, he was just looking at the price. :-) We now are out of butter. I had no clue how much I relied on butter to cook, but it is affecting me every time I have to cook. Toast, fried eggs, pasta, rice, corn on the cob, baked potatoes ... Good night, we use a lot of butter!

David just locked himself IN his room. Hee hee hee. I recently had to turn the door knob around because they were running in the room and locking each other out. David just messed with the lock, went in the room and shut the door. I'm ignoring his pleas to get out of his room, thinking he's just being 3. Nope, he was locked in!

I went for a "run" yesterday. Well, a walk/jog, sort of. For about 2 minutes it felt awesome to be running again. My muscles thanked me. Then muscles started hurting in places they shouldn't hurt. I did expect that. I was glad to just try it again. I was pushing the double jogger, so maybe I could have made it 4 minutes if I'd been out on my own. :-)

I am officially winning the award for Bad Mother of the Year. Dawn has been complaining for 2 months that her tooth hurt. She has a low tolerance for pain, so I typically don't get overly excited about her complaints. Plus, she complained about one side of her mouth one day and the other side the next day. So I just figured it was her teeth growing in. Eric finally took her to the dentist last night. Ummm, TWO cracked teeth that are rotting. They did a root canal and put a cap on one last night. And one cavity. Tuesday she'll get the other cap and fill the cavity. Nice. I feel like the best mom ever. TWO months. Low tolerance for pain? How about a high tolerance for her mother's idiocy.

Did I mention that my calendar in the school room (the white board, I have to erase and rewrite the month) is on April? Apparently I gave up on getting stuff done back in April.

Why do I think I have to sit downstairs, in the school room, with my computer? It's a laptop folks. A laptop. That means it is portable, right? I always sit right there, in the school room, with my computer. So this morning I decided I could take it out of there. I was sitting at the table trying to type this. The interruptions! So now I'm sitting on my bed, door shut, with the strict command that no one interrupt me for 5 minutes.

Now, for the funniest conversation of the month. We bought a book called "Nature's Yucky". I knew the boys would LOVE this book. And they do. One of the Yucky things about nature is that some turtle can breathe through it's bum. (Something about winter time, in the water, get the book if you want more info.) I'm reading this to the boys, they are cracking up. The last sentence asks something about "can you breathe through your bum" or something like that. Joseph says, "I can't breathe through my bum, but sometimes air comes out of it!" He was cracking himself up, and me too. :-)

Have a great day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blogging Friends II

All right, I shouldn't say anything about people who don't blog. I really can't think of anything exciting to say lately either. We did go to the mountains for a couple days last week. Very nice. Very very nice. Eric's brother and his family are in town for a couple weeks. They're up in the mountains for the first part and then they'll be here.

Other than that little jaunt, life is actually settling into something sort of like normalcy! Doing a bit of cleaning, some cooking, hanging out with the kids, taking walks ... You know, how life can be when craziness isn't going on!

Did I mention Eric HAS to go to Hawaii this month? That's not normal! (Better not become normal either.) :-) I feel so sorry for him, having to fly such a long time and sit in meetings and not getting to enjoy Hawaii much at all. Pity. Must be rough. He will bring home nice gifts - I told him he had to. :-)

So, anybody else having some normalcy this summer??? Or something exciting? For us, normalcy is wonderful.

Blogging Friends

I think I need to find some new blogging friends. I'm sitting here checking all the blogs I read regularly and a bunch of you have completely dropped the ball! I mean, seriously, some of you haven't blogged since APRIL. What am I supposed to read if you aren't blogging? For those of you who do blog regularly, I still like you very very much. For the rest of you ... Time for me to find some new blogging friends. So there.

:-)

A Few Days of REST!!

We've actually had a few days of REST here at our house. A couple days into it I realized it was the first time, since the move, that we had Eric off work, no one was sick and we didn't have company. It was very very nice. Eric, Dawn and Anne went for a 5-1/2 mile hike on Wednesday. We went for a bike ride one day and swimming another day. Yesterday, the 4th, I spent cooking - blueberry pie, strawberry pie, homemade ice cream - you know, the GOOD stuff! :-) Of course, after all that rest, relaxation and fun, Anne is sick today. Fever and stomach ache. Sigh.

As for my last post. Wow, quite the response from some of you. Rob. Thanks for the idea of peeing myself. And thinking it's a good idea. Remember, I live in a DRY area - we don't pour buckets of sweat, so the pee won't show. Plus, I'm a girl. Peeing myself is NOT a badge of honor. Ladies, with me on this one? Besides, truth be told, I don't pee myself. It FEELS like I might and feels like my insides could fall out. Kegels aren't the total answer here ladies. My ligaments are stretched. WAY MORE INFO than I planned to give out here. There are a few things I can do to fix this and I'm working on it. Enough on this topic!

Stress Relievers

What do you do to relieve stress? When I had kidney stones, I thought I did a great job of handling it, but a week later my physical body screamed at me that it had had enough stress. I was shaking, tired and just shot! My chiropractor told me my adrenals were spent and I needed to take extra vitamins and try to help my body heal from the physical trauma. I cut out coffee and sugar for a few days (about all I could handle without coffee). But I can't figure out what to do to help me "burn off" my stress.

When I was younger (high school? junior high?), I played the piano to get rid of my stress. Whatever my mood of the day, that was the music I played. If a funeral march was playing, you better watch out! :-) I don't play much anymore and it usually just puts me in a bad mood when I do play. (Nothing like recognizing that your piano skills topped out at about the age of 15.)

I took up running at some point as a young adult. I know, gag, for most of you. But I loved it. 30 minutes of running could fix any mood for me. It gave me time to think about stuff, or to just focus on breathing and NOT think about stuff. Sometimes I would put music on and let that adjust my mood. BUT, after 5 kids, running isn't an option right now. Nothing like peeing your pants while running to put you in a BAD mood quickly. Lately I dream about running. Not asleep dreaming, but day dreaming. I'll imagine how good it would feel to get on my running shoes (which Dawn now wears, need a new pair) and just go for a hard run. The disappointment I feel when I let reality speak to me.

So what am I to do? Walking might be ok. I don't love just walking. Too slow for me. :-) I always feel a little frustrated with it. I suppose I could put good praise music or listen to a sermon or something to help me deal with stress. Help me out here? Any good suggestions?

Some GOOD News ... for a change

Since my blog has been full of bad stuff, I'm thrilled to have something wonderful to share with you!

I have always been very impressed with my husband. For many reasons. Today, I get to brag on him a little! :-)

Eric got in the military with the "plan" to stay in for 4 years. 20 years later he's still in! He has never done the "right" thing to get promoted. He didn't go to the right schools, didn't take the right jobs, has actually had to convince people to let him take 2 jobs because he "wouldn't get promoted out of them." Taking his current assignment was very frowned on. He was told by 2 bosses and Air Force Personnel that he should NOT take this job. He will NEVER get promoted. His response? That's ok, I'm happy to retire after this assignment. Well, the big news is that Eric is now a Colonel Select. For all you non-military, that means he will be promoted to Colonel in a few months. Wow. Now I can really call him Old Man. :-)

I think the amazing thing to me is that this truly defies all human logic. He should not be making Colonel. He really shouldn't be. He hasn't put in the hours (he has put in long hours, but compared to many others!! NO), hasn't been deployed, hasn't gone to certain schools in residence, hasn't had the jobs you have to have to get deployed ... The list goes on. What he HAS done is been faithful to God and faithful to his "job" as a husband and father first. I just see God's hand in this so much. I'm humbled, amazed and thrilled. Thanks to God for blessing Eric.

Sick Again

I am so tired of sickness being the "norm" in our house! Has anything else happened here in the last few months? Little Bit spiked a fever yesterday. She's still feverish this morning and has thrown up a couple times. Yippee. Fun. Not. Of course, Eric and I are supposed to go to the homeschool convention on Thursday, leaving the 4 older kids with my sister and taking Little Bit. Oh, we're also supposed to have family pictures taken this afternoon. We've been trying to get that accomplished for months (we canceled the last time due to her being sick!). I think I'm going to drug her, pray she doesn't puke and go for it. It's outdoors, so she shouldn't infect people. Ugh.

Funny Sayings

David has been making me laugh the last few days like crazy! This is in between the times he is driving me crazy! :-) Tonight, he was supposed to be praying. For months he's been praying "Dear Jesus, help Dawn and Anne to get better. Amen." We've been coaching him a bit to get him out of his "rut". :-) Since he's struggling soooo much with disobedience I said, "Help me to be obedient." (He's supposed to quote me.) His prayer? "Help her to be obedient." I said, "No, help ME to be obedient." He points to me and says, "I said that!" He had a very impish grin on his face, so he knew exactly what he was saying. We were all laughing so hard it pretty much ended prayer time.

The other funny that's happened reveals quite a bit about his personality. It was a couple days after surgery, so I was still trying to do very little. He went to the bathroom. When he was done, he yelled for me to come wipe him. I asked the young lady helping me to please go to him and if he refused her help, she was to tell him he could sit there for a while. Which, of course, he refused her help. He started yelling and screaming at me to come wipe him. This went on for 5 minutes before I got tired of him yelling. I walked in to the bathroom and said, "OK David. If Mommy wipes your bottom, you get a spanking. If Miss Rachel wipes your bottom, you don't." I'm thinking this should fix the problem. I mean, what kid WANTS a spanking? (I was probably drugged at this point too, so my ability to creatively discipline was seriously limited.) As you've guessed by now, yep, he chose MOMMY to wipe his bum. While I'm wiping him he says, "Mommy, please don't hurt me." I was laughing so hard at this point! We have a saying in our house. I am the PBW - Preferred Butt Wiper. Think I can stick that on a resume?

As for the stent removal. Went well, I feel better. TMI - I can pee normally for the first time in over a week. Ahhh, the joys of peeing! :-) I've also been asked the question a few times about which hurts worse, childbirth or kidney stones? Well, 5 natural births - no drugs at all ever. One episode of kidney stones. I'd take natural childbirth over and over again. Kidney stones are horrible!!!

Eric is out of town. We're doing pretty well right now. (That could change at any second.) Dawn made pizza for dinner. It was great! She also cleaned up the kitchen - love that!! Oh, and Anne lost a tooth during the meal. Dawn pulled it out for her - the second tooth she's pulled out for Anne! Mom's a wimp in this area. Loose teeth give me the creeps.

Recovery

I don't think I was super coherent when I posted about my kidney stones. Gotta love the narcotics. :-) One thing I failed to mention is that they put a stent in. A stent is a flexible tube. In my case it goes from my kidney to my bladder, to make sure my kidneys could still drain. They were worried I would have a bit of swelling in my ureter since they looked around in there for a while. I go in tomorrow to have the stent removed. Apparently a stent can be pretty painful, but it's been ok for me. I know it's there (weird, huh), and it's uncomfortable when I pee (graphic), but I'm not in pain.

It's Sunday morning, so day 4 after surgery. No more pain meds at this point. I'm super weak. I'm actually shaking as I type this (time for nap #1 and I've been up for 2-1/2 hours). Other than that, I'm doing ok. Oh, and if you want to lose weight, get super sick, don't eat for 24 hours and continue nursing an 8-1/2 month old.

You would think that after this week, I'd be a basket case. I mean, Eric's at a funeral (I know, I hate calling him Old Man) in Pennsylvania, I'm in the hospital here, my sister is in Texas... By all that is logical I should be a mess. But I'm not. Why? God. He provided for us in every way. Eric e-mailed the pastor at our church and I was not alone for one second. My friend, Heather took the kids on Wednesday and then spent the night Wednesday night (my own private nurse - did I mention she works on the floor of the hospital I was admitted to?). She even got Little Bit to bed without me!!! I had 2 friends from church at the hospital during surgery. Another dear friend I've known for years, showed up after surgery. She drove me home, got my prescription picked up and didn't leave until I was in bed. Thursday morning, a lady from church arrived and I had 3 different women take "shifts" to help me. Let me tell you, my house was clean, we ate good food, my kids were well taken care of and I rested. I may have to get sick every time Eric leaves town! :-)

Little Bit has been nursing tons the last couple days. I think my milk supply has dropped. One of my friends (all right, her name is Tonya - just to confuse you all) has goats. She gave us goat milk (the closest thing to human milk) for Little Bit. This morning, Little Bit took a bottle for the first time in her life. Her tummy is full and she's not fussing at me for more. :-)

Isn't God GREAT!!!

Oh, continue praying for us. Eric leaves in the morning for 3 days. Don't worry though, God will be with us.

Not a UTI...Again

Well, let's just say I've had a most interesting week. I'm not even sure where to start with this story. I'll skip some and start with saying I had a high fever and UTI symptoms on Monday. Went to the doctor and got antibiotics (they "dipped" my urine and it was positive for a UTI). Tuesday I had quite a bit of pain in my abdomen. I figured it was from the UTI, took lots of ibuprofen and continued with life. If I didn't take the medicine every 4-6 hours, I was in a lot of severe, debilitating pain until the medicine kicked in. Whatever, Old Man is out of town for a funeral. I have 5 kids. No time to think about it.

3:00 a.m. I wake up in lots of pain, get the ibuprofen, heat up a rice bag, lay down and wait for the pain to subside. It's severe. Pain in th lower, right side of my abdomen. Sometime during that hour of nausea induced pain I thought. Duh, appendix. Idiot. Around 4 the ibuprofen kicks in enough I could go to sleep. At 6:00 a.m. the kids wake up, and I get on the computer to check. Yep, lower, right side of abdomen - appendix. Crap. At 7:30 the pain was so severe again I knew I couldn't wait to go to a clinic. I call my friend, Heather (who just happens to be a nurse and lives 2 miles away) and ask her if she can take me to the ER. Her 14 year old son comes to babysit and we go. Trust me, if I've had 5 natural births and I'm in enough pain to go to the ER I am in PAIN. Heather says I was gray when she arrived.

At the ER, the doctor immediately suspected kidney issues rather than appendix. Mainly because I'd had the UTI. I had 2 CT scans and he was right. Kidney stones, not appendix. The big problem was that it wasn't just normal kidney stones. Apparently one had lodged in the lower part of my ureter, just above my bladder. They said it was a rather large stone - 6 to 6-1/2 mm (if it's 3 mm you can pass it, 6 - no).

Surgery was scheduled for 5:30. The plan was to go in, blast the stone with a laser, use a "basket" to get it out and put a stent in from my kidney to my bladder to let the infection in my kidneys drain. Nice. Fun. Just the way I imagined spending my day (did I mention we were supposed to go to the zoo?).

I'm sure you know my state of mind at this point. Heather is with me at the hospital with the baby. A 14 year boy/man is taking care of my other 4 kids and his sister at my house (disaster in the making - junk food, tv, mass chaos!). Don't get me wrong, he's good with the kids, but still... I send Heather home with Little Bit and ask her to return in time for me to nurse Little Bit before surgery. I've been in touch with Old Man all morning. He's a little stressed. Nothing like being across the country for a funeral and having your wife get hospitalized. I was worried about the meds and nursing. I don't know how many times I said, "I'm nursing. Make sure the meds I'm taking are ok. Or tell me!" The other thing I said was that I had 3 priorities - obviously getting me healthy, the nursing issue and I did NOT want to be hospitalized over night. Let me outta here! Oh, in all of this, I hadn't eaten since dinner the previous evening. I was starved!

Old Man started sending e-mails. Pretty quickly he had alerted the church and was talking to my parents. I didn't feel like talking much at all, so am thankful he managed it. Heather was the other contact for people.

Surgery outcome? Well, they went in and did not find any stones. At all. None. The supposed 6 mm one was a calcification that is normal. I had a couple others they thought and they weren't there either. I was home last night around 9 in severe pain again. Different this time though. Heather, my friend and nurse stayed the night. She suggested I should take ibuprofen in addition to the narcotics. Ahh, good old ibuprofen - it helped.

Oh, and the UTI I had? The ER doc seems to think I never had a UTI. It was all just kidney stones and my kidney was infected.

I do have help until Old Man gets home. I've had wonderful friends here to take care of the kids, clean up the house, someones bringing meals. I slept like a rock this afternoon.

Now I want NO MORE STRESS for the next year. OK, God?

I'm Still Alive

Yes, yes, I know I'm writing very little lately. Life just seems to get busier, and not more interesting lately! :-) I have a couple "interesting" things to tell you and then I'll just post pictures.

First, we have another UTI here. Not Little Bit this time - ME. Whatever. Horrible, annoying, frustrating. I'm on antibiotics and hoping to feel perfect tomorrow.

Second, Old Man is out of town. He was supposed to go to Key West for work this week (poor sap), but instead is in Maryland and Pennsylvania this week for his grandmother's funeral. She passed away Sunday evening, unexpectedly. Please pray for him and his family. And, yes, I would rather he had gone to Key West than to deal with all this!

Third, you should see this "baby" of mine. She's 8-1/2 months. Standing alone. Dawn said she even saw her take a step today. She's so eager to keep up with the big kids! This morning, she kept crawling over to an outlet and touching it. Even if they are covered, we still teach our kids to not touch them. So I told her "NO". She wailed. Touched it again. "NO." Wailed. This went on for a bit. Then she would just sit there, fine, until she saw me. Then she'd start crying again. The best part was when she was laying, face down on the floor, bawling her eyes out. The good part is that this afternoon, she crawled past the outlet, looked at for a while, looked at me and crawled away. Then she went over to another one and touched it! :-) Looks like I'll be busy with her for a while.











Today, standing by herself!

Is It Worth It?

I had a great post planned (in my head), but am short on time due to people needing me. :-) I'll try to make it shorter (yes, you can thank me later).

I know I've complained more than normal lately. We've had a very hard year ++. I'm pretty much worn out right now! Moving was much harder than I anticipated and I think we are still dealing with the stress of it. But I've noticed something. When I do complain about life, the response I generally get is what to do to get rid of the problem. This seems to be the way we handle things in our society.

If your marriage is tough, get out of it! If you don't like your job, get a different one. If you have a friend who is difficult, get rid of her. Basically, we shouldn't have to ever do something tough or deal with something hard. We have so many choices that we can always choose something easier.

Lately I've been asking myself the question, "is it worth it?". Is it worth it to live the life I live or should I change it? Homeschooling - yes, it's worth it! It's worth the hard work, worth the long hours, worth the struggles, worth every bit of it. Even on our hardest day, I cannot imagine sending my kids away to school. Now, it helps, in all of this, to remember that we know God called us to homeschool our children. We prayed and were convicted that this is His path for us. If we chose to do something else, we would be disobedient. Is it worth it to obey Him? YES! :-)

There are many other examples of things that we've decided are worth it, even when others think we are nuts. :-) Natural childbirth might be the top one on many people's list as not worth it. But for us, yes it is worth it.

Now, my girls need me to tuck them in, my husband needs me to rub his sore leg. I would rather post pictures on my blog. But, what is worth it? THEM. :-)

Life

Lately I haven't felt like posting much here. Actually, I haven't felt like doing much of anything lately. My mother-in-law is coming into town tomorrow, so at least the house should be getting cleaned today and I got laundry done yesterday.

I asked my kids today what they would change about me if they could change anything. Joseph said he would change my legs. Huh? He would make them "brighter". Not sure what that means. My legs aren't exactly tan, but he was saying they should be more like his, which are WHITE. Who knows. Anne told me she would make me skinnier. Nice, thanks! Dawn said she wouldn't change anything. Which made me feel pretty good. But then I said I would change to someone who never loses her temper, never loses her patience and always has a quiet and gentle answer. Dawn's response? "Well, that isn't ever going to happen."

Does this mean that in addition to being short, I'm fat, grumpy and have dull legs?

Motivation

Seriously lacking motivation these days to finish up our school year. Any help? With multiple sicknesses (yep, we're all sick again - including ME this time), visitors, a trip, another visitor coming to town next week and just major burnout, I'm D O N E. I want to clean up the school room, be done with this past year and start thinking about curriculum for next year. I want to let the kids play outside all day, go hiking on a whim, throw out the schedule, plan good meals for the grill and just relax. Can't be done. According to Colorado law, I have to have 172 days of school, with 4 hours of "instruction" per day for it to count. Guess that means we'll be doing school for the next 6 months to finish up this year. Just kidding! I think I figured out we'll be going until June 12 or something. Unless I can count field trips when my mother-in-law is in town. :-)

Next year we're majorly revamping our curriculum. What we've been doing just is NOT working with 5 kids. Only 2 are seriously doing school. Two are getting into serious trouble most days. And one is seriously cute all the time (except for today when she will not nap). Seriously.

***Edited: About the homeschool law in Colorado. Yes, it is stricter than Maryland's law. At least I feel it is. In Maryland you had to have a portfolio review once a year. Here you have to take standardized tests (GAG) every odd year, starting in 3rd grade and you have to log attendance. I think the general feeling is that you just log attendance and assume you're getting 4 hours of instruction per day. Doing math counts as one hour whether it takes you 10 minutes or 2 hours. Kids in school have a "one hour class" no matter what gets accomplished in that class. I have been logging attendance (and I count field trips). I haven't felt right counting every day as a school day (I mean, Saturdays cleaning the house are educational, right?). So I only count days we are actually working on "school" or on a field trip.

She's Back!!!!!

This morning, I heard a meow coming from our garage and I sprinted to open the door. SHE IS BACK!!! We cried, thanked God and hugged her. She, on the other hand, wanted us to leave her alone so she could get a drink of water, thank you.

The lyrics to this song I remember from my childhood have been going through my head all day. Found it on the internet (I love googling stuff). Here is the chorus:

But the cat came back the very next day,
The cat came back, we thought he was a goner
But the cat came back; it just couldn't stay away.
Away, away, yea, yea, yea

Positive

I know that my posts lately have been a little on the negative side. So I'm going to make more effort at focusing on the positive lately (now, how many of you saw the title of this and thought I was pregnant? Nope.).

I got a pretty decent night of sleep. Only the baby woke up and she always just nurses and goes right back to sleep in our bed. I go to sleep while she's nursing, so I'm really awake for a very short amount of time. Actually, Little Bit is a great sleeper and I could get plenty of sleep. If I'd only go to bed earlier ...

None of the kids have cried about the cat this morning. Note, none of the KIDS have. I have. Whatever, they've asked, but aren't still crying.

Little Bit's bum isn't looking as bad as it was the other day (yep, the small things can be big some days!). She was getting very red and sore. Too many antibiotics, too many poops, led to a yucky bum! I've been giving her rice cereal, lots of probiotics and loading up on the diaper rash cream. It's helping!

The girls are having good attitudes about school work today. Helps that they're doing Spanish worksheets, which they do enjoy. :-) We'll see how they do when we get back to practicing for standardized tests.

That's all I can come up with at this moment. There should be more today!!! There WILL be more today. :-) How's that for positive?

When Will This End?

After our stressful week last week, I was really looking forward to this week being a little less stressful. Old Man is traveling and I thought we would just hang out, slow down, keep the house messy (sorry honey), eat "easier" meals (ie junk). I would get some time to myself in the evenings. I had such high hopes!

Enter Sunday afternoon. Our cat is missing. Our sweet, loved, fun, indoor, not fixed, cat, Cami. She is Anne's cat. We realized Sunday afternoon that she hadn't been seen all day and was not in the house. She's still missing. I woke up at 6:30 this morning to two bawling girls, in my bed, because Cami is still gone and it snowed 5 inches overnight. We've all been in tears off and on today. I keep checking outside, checking in the garage, going outside and calling for her. Nothing. My heart aches and my stomach hurts at the thought that she could be gone.

We also have a cough/cold going around the kids. After the bawling this morning, three of the kids were coughing. So I have 3 kids coughing, 2 crying, 1 still recovering from all the torture we put her through last week and Old Man left town. Ahhh, the joys of being an adult. Can someone please tell me why we ever wanted to grow up??? Seriously here, why? What is the benefit?

And to top off the start of my week, the girls had a track meet tonight. Dressed the boys in long underwear, sweats, coats, hats and took blankets. We lasted outside for about 15 minutes and then went and waited in the car. When I got home I checked the temperature (for laughs). 36 degrees, wind chill of 25. Nice. The girls did well though! Anne came in 2nd for the 400 meter "dash?" and Dawn tied for 1st in the 800 meter run. Not sure on their times, but I'm guessing it was around 4 minutes (or less) for Anne and about 7 minutes for Dawn. Yeah, they get their speed from me. (You can start laughing now!)

When does life get to be fun? When do we get to relax? When do we get enough sleep and feel rested? Am I doomed with feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, stressed, spent, worn out... for the rest of my life?

What???

Not sure how to start this post, but I noticed my last post started with telling you that Little Bit DOES have a UTI. So I will start this post by saying Little Bit does NOT have a UTI. Confused? I am!

I still don't know where to start here! In January she spiked a super high fever, we took her to an acute care clinic close to the house. They "bagged" her instead of catheterizing her (cath-ing from here on out - not typing that word again!). Severe UTI. Sent it to the lab and it "grew" something on it. We kept her on antibiotics for SIX weeks until we could have some tests run on her. Invasive, painful tests run on her.

March - another high fever (over 104), back to the acute care clinic, bagged again, another UTI. Antibiotics for another 10 days.

April - well, you can read about this "UTI" on the previous post. I took her back to the doctor yesterday (Thursday) and they gave her another shot of rocephrine since she still had a pretty good fever. Today, I call the doctor to find out if they have the cultures from her urine back yet. Yep, NOTHING grew on them. NOTHING. NO UTI. What? So what is going on here?

The doctor thinks it was either just a virus (you can imagine how I feel at this point - I've had her poked, not done any school, not slept, worried myself sick for a VIRUS?) OR a blood infection. Now, there is NO way we can prove either one. And the reason it could have been a blood infection? Because she hasn't been immunized yet. Nice plug for immunizations and to scare a parent into them Doctor. :-(

My guess? She had a virus. We have a family history of very very high fevers with a virus (both Old Man, Dawn and David - over 104, all the tests run, nothing wrong).

This week has just been so awful! I'm thankful she doesn't have a UTI, don't get me wrong here. It's just that we've been through "has to be a kidney infection", "could be appendicitis", "may need to hospitalize her", etc. this week. FEAR people. FEAR. And all, most likely, for a virus.

I keep thinking that God has a plan for all this. What is His plan here??? Any clues?

NOT the Best Day

We will start this by saying that yes, Little Bit does have a UTI. Her 3rd in 4 months. And we don't know why. My emotional state isn't great at this point, but I just thought I should share this day with you so you can feel my pain! (Or laugh your head off.)

My "day" started at midnight last night with my 11 year old, Dawn, walking in her sleep. She does this on occasion. She comes in our room, panicking, crying, hyperventilating. She calmed down rather quickly last night. Next, I hear Joseph crying in his room! I send Old Man in to him. A few minutes after that I hear the boys talking in their room. Old Man goes in again. At 1, Little Bit wakes up to nurse. I pull her in our bed and we drift back to sleep. Since she is super sick, she didn't sleep great, so I didn't sleep great. At 5 a.m., she was really restless - enough to wake me up and I realized that she was HOT. After nursing her a bit, I got up, got the baby Ibuprofen out, took her into the living room to give her the meds. One drop in her mouth, she gags, she throws up everything I had nursed her for the last 4 hours. Nice. I yell for Old Man to help me. Ahhh, the joys of puke at 5 in the morning. By the way, the only child who didn't wake up in the night is now my favorite. I love Anne! :-)

Up for the day around 6:45, at this point all the kids are up. I put Little Bit in my lap and start giving her antibiotics. I noticed my leg felt a little wet so I felt her to see if she had peed out of her diaper. Nope. Pooped out of her diaper. Now it's on my leg and my hand. In the process of changing her I managed to get it on her head!!! By 7:30 in the morning, I knew this was not going to be a great day.

9:00 a.m. Little Bit throws up again - all over me, the floor and herself. This time was a little scary. She was white and lethargic. I call the doctor and schedule an appointment to get her a shot of antibiotics.

Noon. Go to the dr, get her a shot. Deal with a physician assistant who is a bit of an alarmist. Not exactly what I needed. At one point she says, "I need to go consult with Dr. Dawson." Me, "why?" Her, "Oh, I can't say until I've spoken with the doctor." Gee, thanks. Leave me in a room with my sick child for 10 minutes wondering what she is dying of! Thankfully Dr. Dawson is NOT an alarmist. We go back tomorrow. If she's still feverish and throwing up tomorrow, we admit her to the hospital.

OH! I forgot! While the physician's assistant was poking around on Little Bit, Little Bit peed all over the table and my hands. Then, she got her shot which bled a little so I have blood on me too! That makes puke, poop, pee and blood all by 1:30 in the afternoon. Did I sign up for this when I became a mom?

We come home and I decided that Little Bit and I kind of need a bath at this point. Since David isn't content being more than a few feet away from me this week, I invite him to take a bath with us. I fill my tub, add some lavender and tea tree oil to the water (the tea tree oil helps discourage bacteria, which I'm a little uptight about right now). After a few minutes in the tub, David starts crying and sreaming about his stomach stinging, then his back stinging. He stands up and has a blotchy rash all over his bum, legs and it's starting on his stomach. Nice. He's obviously sensitive to the tea tree oil. I kick him out of the tub (he didn't really appreciate that) and I start yelling for Dawn to help me. She's outside, can't hear me. I didn't want to get out of the tub, we'd just gotten in! So I drain the tub, put fresh water in it and he jumps back in. Much better.

After all this, I nursed Little Bit and she went to sleep (and is still sleeping right now, praise God!). Make a quick supper. I'm feeling pretty good at this point. I will survive this day. As supper winds down, we're talking about a dress my sister has. Dawn says that it won't fit me. I said something about us being differently shaped. Joseph says, "yep, fat." He means that I'm fat and she isn't. Ok. I'm done. Time to bury my head in the sand, call it a day and sleep.