Today I'm in a real snit. I just thought I would share. I mean, we always post such nice things about ourselves and our families. Don't you all want to know the darker side? The reality that goes on in my crazy brain.
You have been forewarned. Foul mood. Honesty. Oh, and if you comment, tell me I make you laugh. Don't tell me how to fix myself or my circumstances. I'm a woman. I don't want a fix. I want to VENT.
Eric's out of town. That time of the month. I stayed up WAY too late the other night. Just giving you some background. Oh, and the house is a mess. My kids are normal (which means naughty sometimes).
I am so sick of the amount of pressure that is put on women today. Particularly homeschooling mothers, but I think the pressure is there for all of us.
Let's start with food. We should make healthy meals for our families (for me that's 3 times a day every single day, plus snacks). And we're supposed to do that without spending too much money. Fast food isn't good for you or your kids, so you should not do that. Restaurants are too expensive, so skip that too. Cereal isn't healthy. Granola bars have too much sugar (just make your own). Regular milk is full of antibiotics and hormones, so you should spend $5-6 per gallon, oh, but don't spend TOO much money. Oh, and we're supposed to stay thin and trim in all of this too, so don't eat too many cookies (but you should make them for your kids, right - as long as they are healthy and have some alternative sugar, whole wheat flour, coconut oil ...).
Now education. Homeschooled kids are all WAY smart. Right? I mean, they test above average, they make it to Harvard easily. They are always WAY ahead of their peers. PRESSURE people. I want to tell people to SHUT UP sometimes when they mention how their kid is 2 grades ahead in math. SO WHAT. BRAGGART. My kid is behind in math. I could care less about them getting into Harvard. As for standardized testing - hate it. And Latin - why? What happened to it being a HUGE deal if people could write their names and read a little bit? Seriously? Now I'm supposed to have my kids memorize the entire history timeline, make sure they speak Greek and Latin in elementary school, have them play an instrument amazingly well (oh, and since I play the piano I should be the one teaching them too - saves money!), know how science fits into history, do hands on projects ... Shut up.
And how about our houses? Oh, I should want my house to be a welcoming place, a frilly, smelly, beautiful home where other people come in and can relax (or gag). We should decorate and keep them neat and clean at all times. And how is this possible with kids? Organized? Clean? Decorated? Am I ever allowed to sleep?
Spiritual development. First I'm supposed to maintain a quiet time with the Lord every day. If this means I have to get up at 5 a.m. to spend that time before the kids wake up I should. Then I'm supposed to make sure my kids know the Bible in and out. Apologetics, creation, Bible memorization, chatechism ... AND I'm supposed to train them using the right words and the right methods so that they will not turn into axe murderers. PLUS I'm supposed to do everything with a quiet and gentle spirit. I should never yell at my children. I'm setting the example for them here. So if they do turn into axe murderers, you will know it is my fault.
Marriage. On top of all this, I should make sure that I am still attractive to my spouse. Which means I should fit in some time for exercise, showers, keeping my hair nice, putting on makeup (buying it, knowing what to buy...). Oh! And dressing nicely for him too. Which means I should purchase nice clothes, but remember - don't spend too much money! And I should spend time with him, make him nice meals, meet his needs when he wants ...
You do know that in some countries they are considered good mothers if they feed their children - anything. Education? Clean house? They are worried about basic survival. Here we have the luxury to not have to worry about basic survival so we worry about a thousand other things.
So the next time you blog or post on Facebook about how wonderful your life is or about how you're sitting with your cup of tea/coffee and your children are contentedly sitting around you, gazing up at you as if you are the Madonna, excuse me if I tell you to SHUT UP.
***I want to add that this pressure is not from one place. My husband does NOT pressure me to be perfect in all these areas. The pressure comes from all over the place!!
32 comments:
You make me laugh? :-)
Thank you for verbalizing what EVERY woman feels at least once in her life time! I totally get it!
P.S. Don't read my status on Facebook today.
Love you!
I think we post those things on FB and blog them because they are so noteworthy and idealistic and RARE that we feel the need to shout from the rooftoops that yes, we are good at this!
If it makes you feel any better, doing pre algebra with 2 of my kids makes me want to cry. EVERY. DAY.
Must be a PMS thing. Yesterday you and I sat and had tea/coffee and homemade cookies and even painted a frame for your mirror. You make me laugh!
Have I told you that yesterday and again today the dog ran away? All because I didn't go running with her. Stinking dog. We also had bad chinese food last night because I was too lazy to make dinner earlier in the day. No pressure from me, I am amazed most homeschool mothers are sane!
love you susa!
Dawn
Amen, preach it sister!
As for those others (the ones with opinions on everything from limiting fruit intake to how your child could and should be potty trained by six months old), I stopped being their friends a long time ago. Life is too short to surround yourself with those that live a facade and are in denial.
Dawn, let's get the story straight. I drank coffee - my 3rd cup of the day - so I could function. The cookies were made Sunday morning, because church was canceled, but I was still supposed to bring something over to someone's house for supper. The cookies are now all gone, which may be why I'm grumpy! :-) And as for the frame "we" painted? YOU painted it. And wanted to paint everything else in the garage while I begged you to stop working, stop asking me to think. I wanted to go sit down and drink more coffee. :-)
You are so funny Tonya! AND so correct when you talk about all the pressure!!! Try doing all the above things that you mentioned, remodel your basement (that got ruined by a sewage flood), try in vain to be a good mother to a special needs child (that REALLY pushes your buttons) and work with your other three children on their speech, since some people don't understand them when they talk, oh...the list just goes on...Calgon, take me away!!!
That was awesome cousin. Thank you for that. Your honesty is very, um, funny, but serious, real serious and sincere. The world is full of phonies, but that actually made me laugh. Of course, I am so so sorry that your life isn't perfect and hope you get over it and all that stuff.
Brian
OHHHHHHHHHH YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS thank you, that hit the spot. Amen, sista. You preach it how it is. I feel ya!
You often make me laugh, and today is no exception. You know what makes me laugh most? Your descriptions of the 'mouth noises' that Becca makes. Seriously, I think YOUR second and MY second are two peas in a pod. A pod I, for one, would like to zip up until they are eighteen or so, and magically reappear as these really amazing adults other people admire us for raising.
I miss you. Too bad you couldn't come out last summer.
:(
You make me laugh.
You really need to read my blog. Just sayin. Word to the mother of 5. from another mother of 5.
Thank you for this!! It is one of the best things I've read in a looooong while!!!
Amen! Selah.
Anna posted a link to this post on the Preschoolers and Peace fan page on FB, and thought it went nicely with my recent post on being real:
http://www.preschoolersandpeace.com/?p=2164
Thanks for being real!
Come on over to my blog. Sometimes I wonder if the kids are learning anything. Except how to be grouchy.
Simply refreshing...glad I'm not the only one!
Hello? Long lost twin? So good to meet you finally! ;)
Found you through Amy and what a treat! I have found myself figuratively curled up in the corner rocking back and forth, shaking my head, a few too many days as of late. The pressure is INSANE.
Thanks for the reality check ... and the giggle. Here's to making it through today without doing lasting damage to any of our minions ;)
haha I SOOO wrote this in my head a few weeks ago. Thanks for posting the extreme list of what kinds of pressures we 'stay-at-home' moms face. Because we have so much time, ya know. ;)
Found you from Amy's Humble Musings... It's like you were in my head! I loved the line about being a woman and not wanting a fix - you want to VENT!
I hope today is a good day - thanks for the laugh!
I don't homeschool - I think I'd end up in the looney bin if I did. i have 4 boys 8,6,5,2. Every thing you wrote - that's my life most days. And the pressure thing -- I hate to talk to some other mothers about my day because they make it seem like they have every thing under control, so calm and cool that yes, you just want to yell SHUT UP!! Just reading about how some of your days go was like lifting a brick off my shoulders -- It's nice to know that I'm not the only one having days like this. Thanks for sharing!
Tessa
And all the men said "RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY!!"
Don't run away... just offer to make dinner!
OH YESSSS, except this was my Monday. Lack of sleep. EVERY. TIME! (wish it was "once in my life")
Please don't forget that in the summer, we're supposed to garden to supply our families with economical and nutritious food. Make sure to can at least half of it. And field trips. How could you forget those? Don't forget to make them memorable (in the good sense).
I popped over here from Amy's Humble Musing. I think I'll stay and visit a while.
Thank you! I laughed and I cried. This "pressure" I try SO hard to resist, yet somehow it wins and becomes the pressure I put on myself. I desire to be confident in the fact that we are a big happy beautiful MESS. Hopefully soon! Thank you for confronting the biggest lies we believe. May our reputation as mothers please God, not man. ~
First time reading your blog - Nadia posted it on facebook. Love it!! Can I share in your foul mood today? Tho it is not that time of month for me and I don't homeschool... so had 2 of the 4 away for a few hours today..... tho hubby is working really late everynight (so would actually be easier if he was just away for a few days....) and I am STILL in a frustrated mood this evening!! Thanks for sharing! My sentiments almost exactly!
Found this post through a friend (also a homeschooling mom with 4 kids and a very successful home based business). Brilliant! This is exactly what is in my head many days! My kids are normal as well and wow, homeschooling has been a challenge! I have 5 ranging in age from 16 months to 10 so I have a 5th grader, 4th grader and kindergartner. I work weekends. This leaves me very little planning time. Thank you so much for writing this!
Yup, you made me smile! Loved your honest words. I so feel like this a lot and we need to be honest and real- we are all in the same boat!
It is EXACTLY how I feel! Thanks for saying it because in most cases we're all feeling it.
"SO WHAT. BRAGGART. My kid is behind in math. I could care less about them getting into Harvard. As for standardized testing - hate it. And Latin - why?"
Sooo much truth in that quote! Thanks for so eloquently :-)verbalizing what I feel so much of the time!!!
I clicked over from Amy's Humbling Musings and so glad I did.
Oh and one more thing...strangely, homeschoolers ARE held to a higher standard.
Thanks for the early morning laugh!
Your blog was sent to me via a friend and said it was a "must read." Was it ever! I call it a reality check for all :)) Love it!!! You sound like someone I could really connect with :)) Thanks!
Thank you. This post will be in my favorites for a long time to come...
Gasp! You said shut up!
Tee Hee.
It was wonderful.
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