Apparently my post yesterday generated a bit of interest. The feelings of pressure are not felt by only me, or only homeschool moms, or only women. We ALL feel pressure in our lives. So what do we do?
First, let me give you a bit more background to yesterday. Before I wrote that post, I had yelled at my kids. Yes, I know, everyone has yelled at their kids. But, for me, it is the WORST thing I can EVER do. I was thinking of I Corinthians 13 yesterday - you know, the passage about love. It says, "If I speak in the tongues of men and angels but have not love I am a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal..." It goes on to say basically that we can have all these "gifts", but without love they are nothing. So, my version yesterday was, "If I educate my kids and they go to Harvard, but have not love, the education is worthless. If I have a clean house, but have not love, the clean house is dirty. If I only give my kids healthy foods, but have not love, I am still making them sick." Get the point? So if I'm yelling at my kids to get the house cleaned? Seriously? What is my priority!!! My relationship with these children is my priority. Recognizing that they see Christ in me, so if I yell at them, what do they think of Him? For me, yelling at my kids ruins my entire day.
Second, all the things I feel pressure to do are good things. I want a good marriage! I want to educate my children well! I want to be in shape! I want to spend time with the Lord! I want to have a clean house! I want to feed my family healthy foods! None of these things are bad! Some of them are not optional. :-) So how do we do it all? What can we give up?
God says He won't give us more than we can handle. That He will provide for all of our needs. That He will give to us when we ask. All of that does not negate that there are only so many hours in my day. Only so much of me to go around. So, again, how do we do it all?
I think part of the key is focusing on the most important. Training our children to help us. But we also need to be helping each other out. We need to be recognizing that ALL of us need help, in some way. We need to start paying attention to our friends, neighbors, family and offering to help. We can make extra for supper and offer it. We can watch each others kids at times. We can help clean a house. We can just spend time with each other, listening, sharing, encouraging.
Well, that's all I can think of right now and all I have time for. David needs help drawing a sloth. :-) Oh, fun. Art. :-)
4 comments:
Good Post Tonya.
As a reward - smile - I here by give you permission to occassionaly play hookie. So skip cleaning house for 1 day a month, do a fast food meal from your freezer, skip math for a day, and instead do at least one of the following or some like it: plan a private in door picnic for you and your hubby, take a bath while your oldest reads to the little ones, and give out all the hugs you kids can handle. Again loved your honest feeling in both of your recent posts. Mothering can be the hardest and yet most rewarding work. Blessing on the rest of your week. Robin
tonya,
thank you again for your transparency. Ya know, I go both ways....sometimes, I NEED the encouragment to hear how someone does this or that to keep a clean house, tips on child training, eating well, etc....sometimes, it gives me that push to do better. Other times, I WANT to hear how hard it is in another "Godly, quiverfull,above rubies, etc household" not because I feel better knowing I am not the only one with it tough....but, just know I am NOT the only one, gives me encouragment to keep on, knowing that I am "normal" and not totally crazy/bad mother/bad wife/you name it.
But, I personally do choose to mention the good things mostly not because I am trying to be fake or put pressure on others....I am doing what one of your commenters mentioned. I am so thrilled by the good fruit when I see it that yes, I want to shout it from the rooftops! But, anyone, and I mean anyone, who knows me up close and personal, knows I don't ever hide my struggles.
You and I need to chat about this stuff more often. It does help to vent!
Good insight about lacking love....I just told my sis that yesterday. I said, "so what if my 10 month old is blanket trained, etc." I know in my heart, I just can't be that type of parent (pearl methods, etc)...it breeds pride and anger in me. Funny the way that works. I am choosing the grace approach more often these days. I seem to be able to see them in a more loving way when I do that.
This post was really hard for me, even though I know it's not about me, and that you were being honest. It was hard because it doesn't ruin my day when I yell, unless I yell and it was because I was cranky rather than that they were orangutans, you know? I had to think for awhile about the noise level in our house, and about me yelling, and I think I concluded several things
(a) every family has its own acceptable noise level, and ours is on the higher end of medium/lower end of noisy, in my assessment. This means that some yelling is accepted as within the range of loving. Especially when I'm wanting to correct their behaviour but also be funny, which is common (for example, I might yell, "SIT DOWN OR I"LL CUT OFF YOUR BUM AND MAKE YOU EAT IT!!!!" And I'm serious, about the sitting down part, and I'm annoyed, but they know I'm also joking. This invariably gets results)
(b) I need to yell a bit less. Especially when getting ready to leave for school. Being late REALLYREALLY stresses me out and makes me angry, which makes me nag my kids, and they are incredibly slow. So after numerous reminders I lose my cool and yell, so I have to calm down about this and find other ways to get us out the door on time.
(c) I have a mental illness, which makes coping with regular life more difficult. This isn't an excuse for allowing unloving behaviour, but an acknowledgment that I need to give myself a break. Less guilt and more affirmation actually get me further in my parenting than berating myself for yelling more often than you do.
:))) Not that any of this is your fault for posting, at all! I just wanted to share some stuff that I realized after reading it. I hope you don't mind that I shared the stuff I realized!
p.s. i don't yell sit down or i'll cut off your bum until it's the 5th or 6th reminder...just so you know!
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