O Christmas Tree

We have a long history of bizarre things happening to our Christmas trees.  We've had them fall over, one was covered with tiny black bugs (which I vacuumed off the tree daily), one had a birds nest inside, one had praying mantis chrysalis's (sp?) all over it, one with double trunks that wouldn't fit in our normal tree stand...  We just seem to always have some funny story to tell about our trees.

Our normal tradition is to go on Thanksgiving weekend and chop down a tree.  The last two years, we went to the only place in the area you can chop down your Christmas tree on Thanksgiving weekend.  Their selection was pitiful (double trunk trees all over) last year.  We decided to try again this year and hope for the best, but no decent trees to be had.  So for the first year ever, we went to a Christmas tree lot and picked out a tree.  At first the kids were disappointed, but the tree was beautiful and smelled so nice!

Fast forward 2 weeks after getting the tree.  It's not drinking any water and is increasingly brittle.  Eric started asking me what we should do.  Should we replace the tree?  Ugh.  It's at the point now that if you touch the tree it falls apart.  So today the kids and I have the distinct pleasure of taking all the ornaments off the tree, getting the tree out of the house, cleaning up the thousands of needles that are all over the floor.  Tomorrow we will go get another Christmas tree and start over again.  Hopefully this one lasts until after the 1st of January.

This makes two firsts for us with Christmas trees!  First time we got one from a lot and first time we have to replace a dead tree.  Now we just have to figure out what our new tradition is going to be.  Obviously getting a tree from a lot Thanksgiving weekend will not work.  The one tree farm will not work.  We can get a permit from the forest service guys and go into the woods and chop down a tree, but not until the weekend after Thanksgiving.  Or we could get a fake tree.

I know, I know.  We live in Colorado.  Aren't there Christmas trees EVERYWHERE?  Apparently it is not so simple.

Ummm, Hello?

Apparently one of my past blog posts caught some attention this week.  I'm a bit intrigued by the whole thing.  A post where I was in a horrible mood and posted exactly what I thought is being read, lots.  So people like it when I throw a temper tantrum?  :-)  For those of you who don't know what post it is, here's the link:   Foul Mood.  I did post a follow up to that one the next day, about trying to figure out the solution to my frustrations.

My husband said I should say something else, since new people are reading this.  But, truthfully, I don't know what to say!!!  Life is very very hard.  Whether you homeschool or put your kids in public school or don't have kids or you're married or you're not married or whatever, life is hard.  Somehow we need to figure out how to support and encourage each other in the midst of it all!

Instead of trying to say something smart and perfect, I will point you to someone who has encouraged me over and over again with her writings, Sally Clarkson.  Her writings speak to my soul.  She communicates exactly what I'm feeling and am unable to express.  And she is REAL.  I just finished reading her book, Season's of a Mother's Heart.  It took me at least a year to read this book (if you know me, you know I read books in a day or two).  I cried pretty much every time I read it (also, if you know me, you know I don't cry easily).  It was encouraging and challenging and just what I needed.

Thanks to all who have read a bit of my ramblings this past week.

Creative Christmas Shopping

We recently decided to get rid of a bunch of toys.  The day we were getting rid of stuff, a neighbor came over and I gave her some things for her kids.  While we were chatting, she mentioned she thought it would be a good idea for the her kids to set up shop and sell toys to my kids so my kids could purchase gifts for their siblings.  I promptly forgot about the whole idea.  About a week later, she mentioned that her kids were happily setting up a shop for our kids to come shopping.  OH!  About a week after that I casually mentioned to my kids what they were planning and that they could sell toys to those kids in return.

The last couple of days, Rebekah and Seth have been busily setting up a shop in Seth's bedroom for the neighbor kids.  They even set up a table in the room with "display only" items - complete with a sign!  This morning, Rebekah told me that she and Seth had to have tea because they were using the tea bag tags as price tags on their items.  I quickly told her she was welcome to take the tags off all the tea bags as long as she didn't ruin the tea bag!

About an hour before the other kids came over, Seth and Rebekah had the Christmas lights on, the Christmas music on and were still arranging their store.  They even had Josiah stationed outside the door (with a big sign on the door reading "CLOSED") with a walkie talkie.  He was their security guard!  He LOVED this job.  He stood there while they chatted back and forth through the door.

The other kids came over and shopped and later today my kids went to their house and shopped.  They were supposed to price the things VERY cheaply ($.01 to $.25).  They didn't always, but they did let the kids pay pretty much whatever they could.  Funny though, all that prep work and my kids had VERY few toys set out to buy!!!  I think it must be because we'd just given away a bunch of toys.

My favorite thing was when Rebekah was showing me the gifts she had purchased.  She mentioned that she had a bag of gumballs because her friend couldn't give her change.  Then I asked her how much she spent.  "Five dollars.  I didn't want to bring the coins over because I only had the ones they had given me earlier in the day and I'm saving those.  So I took five dollars over."  HILARIOUS!  She has NO concept of money, obviously!  She kept a few coins - maybe worth $1 and spent five.  And happily took gumballs as change!!!

Health, cont cont...

Friday night, Eric came in from work and went straight to bed.  Yep, strep throat.  Considering I'd had it 3 times in 6 weeks, it was about time he actually caught it from me!  I was beginning to think this was a sexist virus.  He got on antibiotics on Saturday, stayed in bed until Sunday afternoon, took Monday off and is doing much better.  Still very tired, but back to work and functioning.

I will finish my 3rd course of antibiotics tomorrow and I am definitely feeling better.  I'm a little nervous about getting off the antibiotics, but I'm trying very hard to get to bed early and get extra rest.

I took Rebekah in to the chiropractor this morning and she has external ear infections in both ears.  Will the sickness NEVER end?  ARGH.

My sister moved on Monday.  Again, I'm fine as long as I don't think about it.  Little Bit doesn't help.  She always wants to go see Aunt Dawn.  Which makes me cry every time she asks.

Hopefully this will be the last time I have to post about sickness!!!  I'm very very tired of it all myself!

So, hey, anyone have good suggestions for 4th grade grammar that is retained by the child and requires next to no work on the parents part?  And writing - anyone have a good suggestion for writing curriculum for 4th and 7th grade that the parent doesn't have to participate in?

Health, cont...

I got the results from the doctor this morning.  My blood pretty much looks ok.  He did say that my thyroid is starting to not work.  Which is totally not a surprise.  Oh, and my blood work showed I have allergies.  Really, gee, thanks for telling me.  I shouldn't be sarcastic - he is a wonderful doctor and came in this morning to talk to me - even though he had just found out his dad had passed away.  So, great doctor.  But the blood work didn't really show me anything I didn't expect.  Now, to figure out how to "fix" my thyroid.

Thanks for all the prayers, e-mail and comments this week.  I've really really needed it!

Next hurdle, my sister moves on Monday.  I just don't think about it and I'm fine.

Health, or Lack Thereof

I am battling strep throat for the third time in the past 6 weeks.  The first 2 times I was on antibiotics within 24 hours.  This time, I did some reading and I read a couple of things about delaying antibiotic treatment for 48 hours, to let your body work first.  I waited 5 days, hoping my body could get rid of this.  It can't.  So I went in yesterday, had them give me a shot of antibiotics and am now on my 3rd 10 day round of oral antibiotics.  They also drew my blood to see if anything else is going on with me - checking my thyroid, doing a CBC, etc.  Today, the dr's office called and said that the doctor wants me to come in Friday to discuss my blood test results.  Gee, thanks for making me wait.  You can imagine how my mind is going now. 

Basically, I've been ill off and on since we moved here, it seems.  I guess when we first got here it wasn't "sickness", it was pregnancy, but you know, you don't feel well!  :-)

I also haven't been telling many people about this round of strep - well, you know, except here on my blog.  Which is actually a fairly safe place to put this.  Very few people read this blog, so I'm good!  Mainly I don't want my mom to know.  She worries about me a tad more than I want her to.

Change

My sister is moving.  She lives about 20 minutes from me right now and they are moving 10 hours away.  WAAAAH.  This is definitely a case of mixed emotions.  This is SO the right thing for them to do.  God is moving them.  It's obvious.  But I'm sad that they won't be close by anymore.

Life Update

Well, it's been a bit since I've posted.  We started school 5 weeks ago, which is actually going pretty well.  Abigail is extremely motivated, so is getting all her work done.  I read some article about having your kids become independent learners and it mentioned this lady, http://www.urthemom.com/.  I read her stuff, realized Abigail was already on that track, but this gave us a bit more structure.  We broke down her work in 4 quarters, and then broke it down to how much she needs to get done each week.  She's ahead!!!  I just check her work every now and then and answer any questions (which is rare).  We still do Bible and history together and I give her spelling tests and do writing with her.  The rest is on her own.  Rebekah is using the same system, but with more direction from me.  I write down what she needs to get done each week.  The work I chose for her this year seems to be a bit more labor intensive for me, but it's working.  Both boys are learning to read and doing math - and loving it!  My niece is still here and has been an immense help.  We will miss her like crazy when she leaves.

Eric's job is insane.  He's working at 2 bases and, as far as I know, is a division chief at each one.  The jobs overlap a bit, and one isn't requiring too much of him, but he does an awful lot of driving between the bases (seems like he's at both bases every day, they're 30 minutes apart).  He's not eating lunch, not drinking, not peeing until late afternoon way too many days.  He made a comment the other day about the Air Force having high expectations of our family.  I gave him a funny look and said, "you mean high expectations of YOU."  He gave me a funny look and said, "um, that means you too."  He is still making it home most days by 6 and is in a good mood, so it's ok.  He did travel the last 3 weeks though (just a few days each week), which isn't really great.  But we will survive.

My health is horrible these days.  It seems I never recovered from moving here, having a baby, baby being sick for a while, one kid breaking his leg, having kidney stones ...  This year I've had upper respiratory issues for, what feels like, months.  Started back in March and I currently have strep throat.  I've been struggling with allergies for at least 2 months too.  I think I was pretty healthy in May and June, but having a hard time even remembering!!!  Some days I'm ready to crawl in bed and never get back out again.

And yet life goes on ...

We are scheduled to leave town next week on a vacation.  We've planned to take a trip to the Grand Canyon for months now.  Scheduled the time, are borrowing a camper from some friends, have it all planned.  This week I'm ready to just drive up into the mountains and camp for a week.

All this to say, can you please pray for us?  I don't think I've ever felt such burnout in so many areas in my entire life.  Odd, I am so content with where God has put us.  Love homeschooling, love my 5 kids, love my husband, don't want to change this.  BUT.  I just wish I could take a couple months away from responsibility.  Take a couple months and get extra sleep, eat healthy, exercise gently and mostly, spend tons of time reading His word and spending time in prayer.

And yet life goes on ...

***I wrote all this and then realized that I didn't even mention that Little Bit turned TWO last Saturday.  She's all girl, so she got shoes, socks, tights, clothes, bracelets, a purse ...  Very girly stuff.  She's super cute and talks in full sentences nonstop.  She is such a blessing!!

Excitement

Well, not exactly the kind of excitement one wants.  As we were cooking dinner tonight (we as in my niece and I, Eric is out of town), Josiah started crying.  Since he does a fair amount of that normally, I ignored it at first.  When he didn't stop, I asked Abigail to see what was going on.  She looks over at him (yes, he whines and cries enough that we literally ignore him if he's in the same room) and says, "he's bleeding all over the place!".  WHAT?  I was cutting up a hot pepper, so I started washing my hands and yelling at her to get him into the bathroom.  Oh, she had told me his foot was cut.  I'm yelling, she's yelling back, I'm washing my hands, he's screaming and crying ...  See, excitement!  My niece came in and carried him into the bathroom, Abigail is wiping up blood behind them.  He has blood all over both feet.  We put pressure on the cut on his heel and wait.  I check it.  About an inch long cut and it won't stop bleeding.  I realize it's about 5, the urgent care clinic near the house closes at 6.  Hmmm.  Do you take him in now, not knowing if he needs stitches or do you wait and end up taking him to the ER?  Obvious choice.  I put him in the car, thank GOD my niece is with us and head over to the wonderful urgent care 5 minutes from our house.  (Where, incidentally, they know us by name.  Funny how that works.)  They quickly determine he does not need stitches, clean him up, bandage him and we're back home in 30 minutes.  I love these people!

As I was driving to the urgent care, I figured I should call Eric and give him a heads up.  Who knows what story he would get if he just calls the house and the kids tell him.  He answers his phone, "HEY!  You won't believe who I ran into at the gym!"  Me, "I don't know."  I named a friend of ours who lives in the Wright-Patterson area.  Eric, "No, you'll never guess."  Me, "Who?"  Eric, "Tim!"  Me, "So, I guess you guys are going to go out to dinner, have a beer ..."  Eric, "YES!"  Me, "Well, that's nice.  Have fun.  I'm on my way to see if Josiah needs stitches in his foot."  Obviously that changed Eric's excitement a bit.  :-) 

I love being with my kids.  I love that God chose this life for me.  But sometimes, sometimes life seems a tad unfair.  Don't you think?  :-)

The Start of School

I've been a tad absent from the blog.  We spent two weeks out of town visiting my family and going to Albuquerque with Eric for his work.  It was a great trip and I'm so glad we went!  My parents are wonderful.  If only they didn't live in Texas, we would move in next door.  Too bad for the whole Texas thing.  :-)

We came back and I attempted to hit the ground running.  We returned on a Thursday and my plan was to start school the following Wednesday.  That didn't exactly happen, unless you count getting school supplies and telling the kids what we were doing for school as school.  :-)  We did start the next Monday though, so only a few days behind my plan!  This is day 4 of school this year and it's going, hmmm, just ok.

One big change right now is that I have my 18 year old niece living with us for a couple of months.  I begged, pleaded, bribed and cajoled her, told her I was dying and needed help.  Actually, I asked her a few months ago, as she finished high school with her associate's degree and she didn't feel like she had a "plan".  She agreed and despite life looking better for her, she still arrived.  Now, she did only commit to staying for 6-8 weeks.  My goal for the time I have extra help is to get the school and chore routine down so that when she leaves we are a little bit more on auto-pilot.

I'm still feeling incredibly burnt out, so the whole thought of starting school this year has been met with very little enthusiasm on my part.  Thoughts like "how bad is it for my kids to be uneducated" and "whomever came up with the idea to homeschool is an absolute idiot" have crossed my mind.  Don't misunderstand me.  I love having my kids home with me.  I even love the idea of homeschooling.  When I can teach my older kids without the younger ones interfering, homeschooling is wonderful.  But there is the problem.  How in the world am I supposed to focus my attention on teaching a 1st grader, 4th grader and 7th grader with a toddler and a preschooler running around?  Neither of them know how to be quiet and the 4 year old is a difficult child every single day.

This week has been just all right.  The schedule needs to be tweaked considerably.  I just need to figure out what to do with the little ones, how to arrange the subjects so that we can get it all done.

Oh, a couple of hilarious quotes.  The first one came from a discussion I had with Eric.  We were talking about the school year.  I told him I wasn't super concerned about the academics, but I was concerned about not yelling at the kids.  To me that is a failure.  I laughed and said, "so how do I execute the plan without executing my children?"  :-)  At church a couple days later, some friends and I were discussing homeschooling.  One of them said, "even Jesus said, 'how long do I have to be with this wicked and perverse generation?' "  Ha ha ha - can you picture yelling that at your kids?

** I meant to add this.  One of the good things about homeschooling this year is that I am fully aware of my inability to do this in my own strength.  Knowing that I am going to have to spend every second relying on Christ's strength is a good thing.

WHINE

I'm feeling a bit over-sensitive this morning, didn't get enough sleep and Eric left town.  My mood is not good.  If you don't want to hear my complaints, stop reading now.  If you can offer a laugh or word of encouragement, read on.  :-)

All week, I had it in my head that Eric was flying out at noon today.  So I had my "plan" for the morning in place.  We were going to go for a run, he would help me get everyone ready for church, I would leave and he would still be home.  Last night, around 9:30, he told me his flight was leaving at 9:30 this morning.  The difference in time with him is 1-1/2 hours.  That's all.  But for some reason, it threw me.  Completely threw me.  I mean, I can handle 4 days of him being gone, getting ready for a trip without him here, but tell me he's leaving earlier than I anticipated and I was in tears.  What is wrong with me???  Seriously?  I still feel like crying over this - and he's not here!!!  So get OVER it already.  For some reason I can't this time.

Josiah woke up at 2:00 a.m. with a bad dream.  Which means I was up for about an hour last night.  Then our favorite neighbor (NOT) was yelling at someone at 5:30 this morning ... outside.  Yep, outside.  She has a habit of either fighting on her back deck or yelling out her window at all hours of the night.  I'm not feeling very friendly to her right now.  Add that to the fact that I just noticed (as I was putting my shirt on) that her boyfriend was outside my window with a child, actually in my yard.  Nice.  Thanks.

Rebekah looked at me a little bit ago and asked, "is that what you're wearing to church?"  GRRR.  Sigh.  Yes, yes it is.  She was hoping I would wear a skirt I had laid out.  But it didn't fit.  Which leads me to another complaint for this morning.  NONE of my clothes seem to be fitting these days.  I am heavier than ever.  And I've been running regularly for the past 3 weeks, watching what I eat ...  My sister tries to tell me it's muscle weight that I'm gaining, but I just can't buy it.  And, NO, I'm not pregnant, nor am I pms'ing - despite what I sound like today!!!

One other thing.  I have a friend who used to read this blog all the time.  Now she doesn't at all, as far as I can tell.  I sent her an e-mail a week ago, no reply.  Is she mad at me?  Just stinking busy?  Pathetic that my relationships are completely over the computer these days, it seems.  Granted, we don't live anywhere close to each other, but still.  I was starting to wonder how you can fight with someone you never speak to, never see, and your entire relationship is over the computer.  I know it's plausible, but still.  And if we're fighting, would I know it?  Or, is she just busy (I know she is crazy busy right now) and hasn't had time?

See, over sensitive.  Grumpy.  Grouchy.  Whiny.  Too many little nit-picky stupid things going on.  OH, wait.  One more.  I decided to take a trip to Dallas to see my parents.  It is truly the only place I can go and get any sort of a break from responsibility.  My parents are amazingly helpful.  Love my kids.  Take care of us.  But it's stinking hot there.  I keep questioning my sanity on taking this trip.  And Eric is going with us, but has to fly home to take a work trip.  Which means I get to drive 14 hours with the kids and no other adults.  I will stop half way for the night, but still...

All right.  Time to head out for church.  Hopefully I can spend the next couple hours getting my attitude fixed!  :-)

A Letter to My Brother

Dear C,

I have a confession to make to you.  Lately, while watching Seth ride his bike, I catch myself cursing your name under my breath.  Now, I am fully aware that you haven't taught him how to be just like you, he comes by it genetically, apparently.  How else would he know to try and stand on his bike seat while riding down the road?  Or ride with both hands in the air?  Or try to pop wheelies?  How else would he know that going over jumps is the coolest thing on earth?

So, while I do know you haven't taught him these things, somehow, when he does them and scares his momma, I curse your name.  Sorry about that.

I was reading a book about Merlin the other day.  In the book, Merlin's power was given to someone else and he lost all of his.  I do hope you don't give your power to Seth, but just share it with him.  But, I will tell you, every time he wrecks and if we ever end up in the emergency room over his likeness to you, I will be cursing your name.

Oh, and you might as well start looking for a tiny motorcycle that a 6 year old can ride.  Because when we visit, he's going to want to ride one.  Just like you.

Love,
Your adoring, yet irritated sister,
Tonya

Fat, Flabby and (almost) Forty

Sigh.  BIG sigh.  I really really cannot stand the whole aging process.  I want to feel and look like I'm young again!  Strong muscles, toned body, energy, health, vigor.  Now I have flabby muscles, fat body, no energy, sickness and exhaustion.  How in the world can you fix this problem??

In light of this problem, I'm hoping to get in shape.  I've started running again.  Which makes me very upset.  I used to run all the time.  Ran 5K's once a month.  My fastest 5K was about 23-1/2 minutes.  Not too shabby!  Now I'd be happy to be able to RUN 2 miles and not have to stop and walk.  Part of the problem is that we live at 7000 feet elevation.  The whole time I'm trying to run I'm sucking wind.  Sigh.

Anyone out there with some hope for me?  Encouragement?  I want to lose at least 10 pounds, 15 wouldn't be bad.  I know I'll never look like I did at 16, but I would settle for having more energy, not getting sick so easily and not cringing when I see my belly flab.  :-)

Sigh.

Nothing

I just added a "followers" gadget on the side of my blog here. Why? I have no idea. I haven't been blogging lately, but feel like I'm neglecting my blog, so I just get on here and change things. There, I *did* something. :-)

I have no idea why I'm not blogging either. I guess I just don't feel inspired to write. Life is going along fairly normally. We finished school and are trying to relax this summer. Eric starts his new job July 1. The kids are being kids. Tons of fun, tons of work. :-) We've had lots of company. I'm trying to plan a trip this summer to go visit my family and friends in Dallas.

That actually brings me to a real thing to say! Why in the world would anyone, in their right mind, go to Dallas in the summer? Oh, maybe I'm not in my right mind... No, I am most of the time. So why? A few reasons, really. One reason is that I have two high school reunions I can attend this summer. I went to two different high schools (one private, one public). Their reunions are 3 weeks apart. So I really need to pick one to attend. Kind of hard to do that! Another reason is that my niece is planning on coming and living with us this fall, so I'm hoping she'll come back the same time I come back. Probably the most important reason is just to spend time with my parents. A good friend of mine recently had her mother die from cancer. My friend is my age, her mom is close to my mom's age. Life is short. We don't know when it will end. Since I CAN go to Dallas this summer and spend time, why not? I know, the heat. But there is air conditioning. :-) My friend has mentioned more than once that we need to spend time while we can. So that is the reason. Because I can go, I have time to go, and my family is precious to me.

All righty. Better run. Little Bit is waking up from a nap. She woke up at 5:30 this morning and wasn't very pleasant so I made her nap early. Not that she's sounding pleasant right now, but she is awake, so I should go check on her! :-)

Have a great day! Write me a note, tell me what you're up to.

Blog Changes

Abigail wanted me to post pictures on the side of my blog, so I updated the blog a tiny bit. Not that I have any ideas of things to post right now. :-)

Texas and Colorado

When I was 13, my parents gave me devastating news: we were moving. Now, we were a military family, so this was nothing new. Dad had retired, gone to seminary and I new this would happen eventually. But, we were living in Colorado by this point. And I had decided I was going to be a permanent Coloradoan. I loved everything about Colorado, had made friends, was trying my hardest to become popular (great goal, right?) and had become quite the skier. If you grew up skiing in Colorado, you would know there is one thing ALL good skiers from Colorado hate. Texans. Can't stand them. I mean, seriously, they come up with all their oil money, their big hats and try to ski. They talk funny and take over the slopes. Nothing worse than a Texan. So when my parents told me we were moving I was very upset, but when I found out we were moving to Texas I was mortified. How could they do this to me? I could never tell all my friends I was moving to the most hated place in the world!

Sure enough, my freshman year of high school I found myself living in Texas. I spent way too much energy that year hating Texas. I wrote Texas Sucks S*** on all my notebooks. I had complete and total disdain for Texas and Texans. I couldn't wait for the day I could leave this most horrid of places and return to Colorado. Graduation from high school couldn't come soon enough! And I did just that. I graduated in May and by late August, I was living back in Colorado. Never mind that I was 17, couldn't afford out of state tuition, was making $400 a month and living in an apartment with 2 girls I had never met. I was BACK. Which only lasted 4 months, but that's another story. By the time I was 19 I did leave Texas, for good.

My memories of my time in Texas are pretty negative. Considering that it was high school and I was in the midst of rebelling heavily, not much positive DID happen! I've pretty much managed to deeply dislike Texas. The thought of the place makes me cringe. There aren't great people there, the weather is horrid ... Even though my parents have lived there most of the time since I left, and my brother has never left, I managed to avoid visiting for many years.

Enter Facebook. I reconnected with many old friends. People I figured forgot about me completely and figured good riddance. :-) I was pleasantly surprised, well, even amazed that some of my friends are actually Christians. What? Seriously? Shock. That people from Texas grow up too! (A tiny bit of arrogance and stupidity on my part, don't you think!) I've even visited Texas twice in the last year and a half and truly enjoyed reconnecting with friends from so long ago. And again, pleasantly surprised to find out we really like each other, have much in common and are friends now!

So, to all my Texan friends, please forgive me for hating Texas and Texans for so many years. Ya'll aren't so bad after all! (And, no, I never say "ya'll".) Oh, wait, that's "all ya'll ain't ...". :-) It's been very fun to see everyone all grown up! And even though I reside in Colorado yet again, I will not become a Texas hater.

Although I still don't think it's the *best* state ...

Dreams of Running

Recently, I've decided I need to start running again. I miss it so much. It's time for me to unwind, think and pray. I come back with an attitude adjustment and am usually much more at peace with life. But, I'm still sick, so I'm waiting to be able to start running again. A couple nights ago I had a dream that I think shows how I feel about being able to run.

I dreamed I was going to go running, but couldn't find my running clothes. After a while of searching, suddenly I was dressed, but couldn't find anything to do with my hair (which was crazy long). Finally my hair was ready, but I couldn't find my running shoes. I never did find my shoes - I woke up! :-)

Promotion

Eric's promotion ceremony was Friday. I've been incredibly sick for the last week, so I drugged myself well and went. It was a great time! Packed house - we expected about 70 people, had at least 95. The General spoke and talked about how Eric's career has been pretty bizarre, not following any path he had ever seen, yet he's perfect for his next job. (The General who spoke is Eric's part time boss now and will be his full time boss starting in July.) The General managed to tick me off a bit and gave my mother and Eric's mother a slight heart attack when he said that once you make Colonel you hand over your keys to your life even more to the Air Force. Then he looked at me and said something about how I get to pick up the slack at home. Nice. Real nice. What slack??? Hello?? Thankfully this guy is never in town and won't see that my husband hates to work late. :-) I do anticipate Eric working longer hours, but I'm hoping he can still make it home well before the kids go to bed most nights. The General joked a couple of times about Eric's varied career and how the Air Force had a "plan". :-)

Which led nicely into Eric's talk. He got up and said that he didn't agree with the General's thoughts that maybe the Air Force had a plan. Instead we know that GOD has the plan. Then he outlined several career decisions we made - not with the Air Force plan in mind, but with God's conviction telling us what to do. It was a great talk. I kinda like this guy and am super proud of him! :-)

We had a reception after, which was nice. Left the ceremony to blowing snow! Crazy place. I don't have any pictures yet, but we had a photographer, so I'm hoping we get pictures fairly quickly.

I'm still super sick, so stayed home from church this morning. Had a wonderful time sitting outside in the sun, reading Sally Clarkson's book "Seasons of a Mother's Heart", spent some time in prayer. Ahhhh, great morning so far! If you have never read any of Sally Clarkson's books, I very highly recommend them. They are encouraging, convicting and speak to my soul.

Great Post

A great post by a fellow blogging friend. You must read this! Big Families are the New Green.

Positives

I realize that my recent posts have been a tad negative. Perhaps I've taken to using my blog as a place to vent? Yikes. So, let me think of some good things to post about...

Liza is adorable. She is 19 months and the cutest thing ever. She sings all the time - even while nursing! She sits in the car, singing and clapping her hands. In the tub, at the table, while looking at books. And she loves books. She has quite a few words and even a few sentences, but mainly she babbles. She'll string a whole bunch of sounds together and we'll understand one word, maybe! So cute! Her hair is curly. While she nurses, she twists and twists and twists her hair until she has a huge knot in her hair. I actually had to trim the back of her hair to make the knots smaller! One of my favorite things she does is when she calls to her siblings, especially Josiah. She calls him "YiYah". Her main goal is to be BIG like her siblings. Hates drinking out of a sippy cup, hates sitting in a high chair, wants to sleep in a big bed, loves to sit on the potty (not that she does anything while sitting there). She keeps us all smiling and laughing nonstop! Even when she's naughty she's cute!

We love our church here. We had a string of bad church experiences for a few years, so we've been absolutely thrilled to have found a church that we truly enjoy. The kids beg to go to church - we are always early!! If they find out we aren't going to church, or aren't staying for the meal after church, they are so upset with us. We feel so blessed with this church.

Despite many interruptions to school this year, I think we will actually finish well. Abigail started the year behind in math (maybe a half year behind?). She has worked SO hard on math that she is actually due to finish 6th grade math next week. She's been doing 2 math assignments a day for months. She also finished grammar early and has started next years. Seems she has this goal of finishing high school early. Crazy girl! :-) Rebekah actually started 4th grade math yesterday. Now, just so you know I'm not super homeschooling mom, we basically ditched history this year. I'm thinking we'll have to listen to a bunch of history cd's this summer. I also really didn't do any school with Seth - he's technically kindergarten this year, but really not ready to sit still and do anything. He's just starting to read - and not very well at that. Matter of fact, Josiah is starting to read with him! :-) Just proves that all children are so different!!!

There, is that better? Maybe I could actually even post a few pictures one of these days!?!

Fatigue, Snow, Sickness and Company

Do you ever wake up in the morning and want to quit the day immediately? I am SO there this morning! We've had a yucky sickness in our house for a month. A solid month. Oh, and we had company for 2 weeks in that. Currently it's Liza and Josiah who are the worst, but Seth is congested and Rebekah is still coughing. I am so tired of having sick kids!!! Argh! We also woke up to snow coming down this morning. You know, not so pretty anymore. It was great in the first week of October, but I'm a little tired of it now. Seven months of snow? Yeah, not my thing today. Where can we move to that has 4 seasons, each only 3 months long, the way my calendar says it's supposed to be?

My parents arrive this weekend, Eric's parents arrive Wednesday. The BIG day is Friday (Eric's promotion). Which I'm actually dreading. For far too many reasons. The first being I hate dressing up, never know what to wear, never feel comfortable dressed up. Can't I wear my ripped up jeans and a t-shirt? Sigh. The other reason is that I'm beginning to feel old and that stinks. :-)

Burnout

I've posted a bit about burnout recently. A friend sent me an e-mail with some thoughts and links to homeschool blogs. Not necessarily about burnout, but just about the way we view education. Great blogs to read. I think she will post a blog about this on her blog, so I won't put her thoughts here. This was my reply to her though:

About burnout. My first thought is that burnout is primarily a result of sin. Not necessarily my sin, but just sin in the world. Sickness would be one of the main things! And getting old. :-) God says His burden is easy and His yoke is light. If that is true (and it IS), then how can we get burnt out??? Sin. For me that means I don't spend as much time nurturing my relationship with the Lord - for many reasons - no time!, no privacy!, exhaustion ... But I need to place such a higher priority on going to Him, praying without ceasing, taking every thought captive ... The taking every thought captive is a huge on for me right now. I catch myself grumbling internally "this is so hard", "why can't these kids figure out how to clean up?", "ARGH"... :-) I'm currently reading Seasons of a Mom's Heart (I think that's the name) by Sally Clarkson. She's talking about JOY and THANKFULNESS. Right now, every time I catch myself thinking the negative thoughts I'm replacing them with thanksgiving to God. Today, I was cleaning up a mess from brownies that Abigail had made. My thoughts were "oh for pity sake, can't she clean up? Can't she notice the mess?". I stopped and instead started giving thanks for Abigail - for a daughter who can bake brownies on her own, who delights in doing this for her family. I think changing those thoughts will go a long way towards helping with burnout.

I think you're right about how the lack of motivation and burnout are from what we have been taught. Not just about learning, but even on our view of children and hard work. We've been taught that children are a nuisance, an irritation. That work is something we should try to avoid. That we should be filling our lives with entertainment and relaxation and our SELVES. And this comes from the Christian culture as well. You've had a hard day? Well, you need time out with your friends. You need to get AWAY from your family. You need to go to a coffee shop, go shopping, go to a bookstore ... You and your husband need to get AWAY from your children one night every week or your marriage is going to fall apart. In order to enjoy a vacation, you need to be AWAY from your kids. Take time for your SELF. Focus on YOUR needs. Focus on what YOU enjoy. Basically it's ME ME ME and get AWAY from those annoying kids!

What does the Lord say? Children are a blessing! Jesus said, "Let the children come to ME". (KJV says suffer - Eric and I were joking that maybe people don't know that word means "allow" and instead think it means you will suffer if you let the children come to you!) Why do we spend our days trying to get away from our children? Why is the automatic assumption that if you're with your kids you're "stuck" with them? That obviously you are not enjoying your life? That it must be super bad to be in your shoes? Why is this the thinking coming from our Christian brothers and sisters? That having more than one or two kids must be HORRID?

Off on a tangent there. :-) The point is, work is to be expected. Children are a blessing. So if our children create hard work for us, be thankful. Be thankful you have children. Be thankful for the ways they DO bless your life. Stop focusing on the hard parts and choose to focus on the blessings in all this.

Besides, life is hard. Even keeping yourself well entertained is hard work. :-) I'm thankful that the Lord gave me five children so I could learn that hard work can be a blessing. My work is hard! But the eternal reward is worth it.

All right, I think I may post this to my blog. I've been severely uninspired lately, but this has been brewing in my head. Thanks for your e-mail to force me to sit down and put my thoughts into writing!

Couple extras I'll add here. First, I'm going to my kids first names here. Very few people read my blog and you pretty much all know me. It's confusing to ME to use their middle names and it's confusing to you. Also, I'm not saying that getting away is wrong or even unnecessary. It's just what are we choosing to focus on? The only true way to be refreshed is spending time with the Lord. It's great to have a date with my husband. It's great to go out with a friend. But I know that those things do not bring about a change in my heart. Only time with God can do that!

Sickness in Spring

We've had some serious yuck going on around our house in the past month. First I had a raging sore throat and ended up with a raging sinus infection. That's over, but I still think I'm struggling with allergies. Anne had a fever for 5 days - double ear infection. Little Bit is congested and has a low-grade fever today. David woke up coughing this morning.

FUN! Gotta love the spring here. The wind has been blowing 40-50 mph gusts off and on for the last 3 weeks at least. Apparently that makes your house full of dust. Go figure.

Random Stuff

Seems like I haven't blogged in a while, but it really hasn't been that long. Last week, I was SICK. Started with a sore throat, worked its way into a raging sinus infection. Loads of fun. Eric's been quite busy at work, so he couldn't take any time off for me to be sick, so I kept going. I've discovered that I can do all things through Motrin and caffeine, which give me energy. (Sorry if I'm offending you with my tongue in cheek take on that verse!) Thursday was our 15th anniversary. Sweet Eric got to have dinner with his kids, and sick wife. Friday I went to the doctor. My ear, sinuses and throat were all a mess - antibiotics for me. Yippee. We had a fabulous date planned for Friday night - a hot tub and massage at a spa, dinner out and my sister kept the kids overnight. It was a very nice night, would have been much better if I hadn't felt like absolute crap. Nothing like a romantic evening with your husband when all you can think about it blowing your nose, coughing and sleep. Happy Anniversary Honey! :-)

Eric's brother and his family came into town Monday. We had the Amazing Race Vacation. They arrived Monday evening in Denver, the kids and I picked them up because Eric was in LA for the day. Tuesday we went to the Garden of the Gods, Manitou Springs, Cliff Dwellings Museum and Red Rock Canyon Open Space. We didn't get home until 6:30 - the kids and I stayed home, they all bathed and had supper. Eric, his brother and wife went out to a German restaurant for supper! Wednesday was our "down" day, so I stayed home with Little Bit. They went hiking at the Paint Mines for a couple hours. We had bison burgers and bison sausage for supper. Thursday was spent at the Royal Gorge. Great place, just don't go if there are 40 mph wind gusts! By last night we were all exhausted. They flew out this morning very early! We had tons of fun, but are all worn out.

Homeschooling has barely happened here this month. There are a combination of factors that have made it this way. One of the main ones is that I have just become so incredibly disorganized that if anything is "off", school doesn't happen. This MUST change. MUST. I am trying to figure out how to reorganize our basement, reorganize our school supplies, get myself back into the whole mindset of planning and organizing and staying on top of things. I would like to say this has been a problem just for a couple of months, but things have been deteriorating ever since we moved, so we're going on 2 years of this. My eldest child is not tolerant of her mother being so wishy washy anymore. The other kids are happy with me as long as I don't interrupt their play time. I'm hoping that by this fall I will have everything much better organized and a renewed sense of desire to actually school my children. Odd, I can not imagine sending them to school, but have no desire to teach them myself. Am I not the least bit concerned about having severely uneducated children? What about all that they are not learning? All the things I should be teaching and am not? Sadly, this doesn't bother me most days. Maybe this is what you call burnout?

Springtime in the Rockies

The weather here is definitely diverse. Other places I have lived have experienced huge temperature shifts from day to day, but here, it's not just temperature. For the past three days, my kids have been outside, in shorts, playing in the sandy yard. Yesterday, after digging a huge hole, they filled it in with water and played in it. They tracked so much sand into my house! Today, David is outside in his coat, boots and hat and he just tracked a ton of snow into my house. He just came in the door crying about how cold his hands are (and how I should have known!). Here are a couple pictures from this week.

Government Run Health Care

About to get political on my blog. I hate politics, avoid them, avoid talking about them, don't follow them much at all. I do have a lot of examples of why government run health care is a VERY BAD idea. This doesn't mean I have the solution, just that I can pretty much prove that our government should not be in control of our health care. I have been in a discussion on Facebook with someone over this issue. I thought I should post my reasons here.

Military dependent here - for my entire life. My Dad is a vet too. Military health care stinks, veteran health care is pretty much the same. Great if you don't have anything wrong with you. My husband has over 20 years in the military. About 9 years ago, we stopped using the military part of health care and went with their "PPO" option. WAY better. I also go to a chiropractor (and so do my children) and it is not covered at all by military health care. So we pay 100% out of pocket for that (I have 5 kids, so we aren't talking about a couple people). I would SO rather pay for my own health care than have the gov't involved AT ALL. When my chiropractor started to accept private insurance she had to raise her rates for everyone - even cash paying customers. She could no longer offer the discounts she had previously. It became more expensive for everyone. If she could get by without accepting insurance, she would charge less!!! Oh, and part of our "military benefits" (which means my husband makes less pay than he would if he had the same job in the civilian world) is health care. It is sub par many times. The stories I could share. No one wants that kind of medical "treatment".

Oh, forgot to mention - my husband is not allowed to be seen at a doctor off base. He has had abysmal care.

Couple reasons why I didn't give examples. First, way too many to give, how do I choose? :-) The second reason is that I really am not politically motivated, really don't like political debates and am completely ignorant about the whole health care debate. And I do not feel eloquent, so I try to avoid all this. I just can't seem to stay out of it though when people bring up the military health care or the veteran's health care.

One of your questions was about access to a doctor. Well, let me give you a couple examples. If my child is sick and I need to take her in, I would start calling the appointment line around the time they open. Typically you could call for a couple hours before getting to speak to someone. At that point you are told there are NO acute care appointments available for the next 3 days. So what do you do with your sick kid? Oh, and I rarely take kids to the doctor unless they are REALLY sick. Which I think is appropriate - I suppose gov't controlled health care would fix that. No one would try to go unless they were close to needing antibiotics or about to die. :-) Now, that is just a scenario - one that I have encountered and my friends have encountered hundreds/thousands of times. No lie, no exaggeration.

Now, a true story. My husband hurt his leg playing flag football. What, might you ask, is a 40+ year old man doing playing flag football? Required physical fitness that day for the military. He tried to deal with it for about a week. At that point he decides he really should see a doctor. He calls. They question him thoroughly. They ask him if it is getting ANY better. He replies that yes, it is. OH, well then this isn't acute, we can schedule you to see a dr in a month. What? He is required to stay physically fit and he can NOT work out. He ended up missing his appointment, due to having to go to a drug pee test (you get tagged to do this and have 2 hours to get it done - he couldn't get to both, so arrived 15 minutes late to his app't). Shows up 15 minutes late and the dr won't see him. Classified as a "no show". His boss gets called, he gets lectured. (By the way, my husband will pin on Colonel in another month - this happened about a year ago, so we aren't talking about an airman being called on the carpet by a high ranking officer - he IS a high ranking officer.) Long story short, he was finally seen a couple months later. Oh, a few months later he hurt his knee during PT. Went to his annual physical, mentions to the dr his knee is having severe pain. The dr looks at his medical charts - does not examine his knee AT ALL and says that he's just getting old ... That would be the equivalent of me going to the dr, saying my stomach hurts, having them look at my chart and say that based on my chart I'm pregnant. WHAT? Long story short on the knee? Well, it took them a few months to get him seen by another dr, get an x-ray taken, have a follow up and he is told he has arthritis and can continue working out. All this time his physical fitness has dropped off. Very hard to regain for a 43 year old man who works 50+ hour weeks....

Phew, I have more stories, but think this is sufficient for now. Just so you know, I have stories like these from all my friends. One had a daughter diagnosed with a brain tumor - they wouldn't treat it or pay for treatment because the likelihood of her being cured wasn't high enough. ARGH. That is NOT what we want!! The gov't is NO better than a crappy health insurance company.

I'm on roll here, so will continue. :-) I just reread what you said. I have chosen to pay out of pocket rather than go the military route - doesn't that say something? As Chris says, I am free to choose and I love that. I guess I feel that, as a rule, if people are required to figure out a way to pay for their own health care, it would lower costs of health care! Right? Of course, that means insurance companies should butt out too. If you have a service that is unaffordable by the general public, you have to lower your costs or you don't make any money. Many of my friends go to the dr WAY too much (civilian friends, my military friends avoid it as much as possible). Their kid coughs and they're there. If they had to pay every time they went, they would evaluate it better. I'm getting off on a tangent I'm incapable of following up on, so I should shut up on this one (getting out of my league!).

I was early in a pregnancy. I started spotting and cramping. We lived on a base that only had a clinic, not a hospital. I called to get an appointment. "You aren't bleeding or cramping hard enough for us to see you. Besides, this is why we don't see people until after 8 weeks of pregnancy, to weed these things out." No kidding, WEED THESE THINGS OUT. My baby is a weed? I was finally spotting/bleeding hard enough on a Friday morning that they scheduled an appointment for 3 o'clock that afternoon to see me. Why? So they could give me a referral to see an OB off base - they had no u/s equipment to check on the baby, nothing. I was going to get permission to see an OB off base at 3 on a Friday. And the appointments are notoriously behind schedule, so reality would be me getting out of there by 4:30 or 5. What OB is open on a Friday at 4:30 or 5? You can bleed to death from a miscarriage (this was my 2nd pregnancy, 1st miscarriage, so I was scared and unsure of what to do - if this happened to me now, I'd stay home). I canceled my appointment and went to the ER on Saturday morning (off base - we could do that if the clinic wasn't open). Wonderful treatment at the ER. Wonderful. I had completely miscarried on my own - which is fine, but really not safe or good or comforting. Horrible treatment at the military facility.

I had a daughter with double ear infections. She had been having horrible ear infections for a few months. Took her in to the clinic - was yelled at by the dr because she was behind on her immunizations. I said that you aren't supposed to get kids immunized if they are sick and she had been sick almost nonstop for months. He yelled at me that that was old school, stupid info and you can get them immunized any time. Last time I read an immunization fact sheet (a few weeks ago), it said to not get an immunization if the kid was sick.... See More

And my husband was required to get the swine flu shot this year - he had no choice, it was required by the gov't. Aren't we all about being "pro-choice"? Yet, with what I've seen, having gov't controlled health care gives us no choice or fewer choices.

OH! One more thing I remembered. I started having headaches when I was 8 years old. Bad, severe, debilitating headaches. Want to know what the military dr's gave me? Ibuprofen. No tests done - well, I think they checked my eyes to see if they showed signs of a tumor or something. That's it. Thankfully I figured out why I have severe migraines when I was like 22 - and still working on keeping them at bay at 37. The military never did anything to find out why. Would you want your 8 year old daughter, who is having severe headaches, to just be given meds? I think not.

Ha ha ha, Chris. I don't really rule on this subject, I just have WAY too much experience dealing with gov't run health care to think that they will do a good job of this in any way, shape or form. And please don't think I don't appreciate the military doctors. For the most part, they are trying to do a good job. They are very limited in what they are allowed to do, what they are funded for, etc. I think things are better somewhat since I bailed, but how long has the gov't run military health care? Eric, my husband, is currently assigned to a base that has ONE physician assigned there - and he/she is part time. There are a few thousand active duty members at this base. ONE physician? How can that be? The gov't hasn't approved the base to have any more at this point in time. What will happen to our small towns when they are only assigned ONE physician? Seriously?

A Girl and Her Gun

Dawn just celebrated her 12th birthday. About a week ago, as my parents were preparing to come into town, my Mom told me Dad had bought her a present. Yesterday, she was given her gift. Here are the pictures.

This is her face when she realizes what it is her Grandpa picked out for her.


This is her reaction when she finds out it was Grandpa who picked it out for her and he was the correct person to thank.


I just love this picture of Grandpa teaching her how to use the gun.


Nothing like having an Army vet teach your daughter how to shoot a gun!

Reading

Joseph, our 3rd, is 6-1/2. He has been so reluctant to do any school work at all. Well, unless it's math - he does like to do math. But reading? No. We started phonics with him, he didn't get it, so I shelved it. He's the 3rd. As long as he's reading by the time he's 12, I'm fine! :-) Lately I've been thinking he's probably ready to try again, so I got out the phonics book and, sure enough, he's ready. Phew! Maybe he'll be reading by the time he's 7! :-) After looking over phonics, I pulled out the Bob books and let him read a couple of those. While he was sounding out some of the words, David was sitting on my lap. Every once in a while, he would sound out the next letter for Joseph. I pulled out the next Bob book, handed it to David and, guess what, he read it. Looks like I'll have one reading at 7 and one reading at 4!

I am so thankful for stuff like this. It is so easy to start feeling guilty for things our kids do not do well. And, conversely, so easy to start feeling proud for things our kids DO well. Things like this remind me that some of it has nothing to do with me at all! Some kids are ready to read at 7, some are ready to read at 4. Would I feel like less of a Mom if my baby walked at 18 months vs 9 months? Or like a better mom if the opposite is true? Reading is pretty much along the same lines. We need to wait until they are ready and then they will get it. Just funny that my boys - 2-1/2 years apart in age - are getting it at the same time. :-)

New Assignment

WE ARE STAYING HERE! Eric got definite word that we are staying here. Thank You God!

The Waiting Game

Ever since we found out Eric is getting promoted, we have known that he will get a new assignment, which means there is a very good chance we could move. Originally we were told we would know something February 23. That day came and went with no word. Then he was told March 8. Yesterday came and went with no word. I just spoke with Eric and he said it looks like there is a 90% chance we are staying here!!! He was just waiting for a phone call to know officially.

So why didn't we hear anything yesterday? Funny question and sadly, the answer is pretty typical in the Air Force. Today, Eric spoke with the acting director of the group he works for. He asked her about the assignments and she said something about how the list did come out and didn't he know? Well, SHE was supposed to call and tell him. Interesting that she seemed oblivious to the fact that it was her responsibility to tell him! Who did she think was going to tell him??? So she told him she *thinks* she saw his name listed under the job he wanted (the other job he is already working). He is currently waiting for a phone call from her to confirm that she did indeed see his name on the official list for the job he wants. Eric said he's now 90% sure we will not be moving! Part of me is thrilled, part of me is terrified, knowing that there is a 10% chance he doesn't have that job and we could move.

I'll keep you posted...

Fear

Eric is out with the two older girls this morning, so it's just me and the three little ones. I needed to take a shower and thought I could just put a video on downstairs (one that Little Bit likes) and get a quick shower. Everything was fine until after my shower. I was starting to clean up the kitchen a bit. The kids were still downstairs watching a video. Suddenly there was an incredibly loud noise coming from the basement. VERY VERY VERY loud. I had NO idea what could make such a long noise - not a quick noise, but one that just kept going. I quickly ran down the stairs. As I get to the middle of the stairs, the boys and the dog are screaming and crying and trying to get through the gate to come upstairs. This scared me even worse! WHAT could be making so much noise?? WHAT did they do? And WHERE is the baby? I vaulted over the gate and ran around the corner. Little Bit is running towards me - of course she has no clothing or diaper on. At this point I'm pretty sure she's turned the volume of the television up super loud. I turn the tv off - still loud. Turn the DVD player off - still loud. Then I see the radio player thingy (cannot think of the name right now) is on. Turn it off. Ahhh, silence. Little Bit had opened up the stereo doors, turned the volume to the speakers ALL The way on (and these are HUGE speakers - if you've been to my house you know the speakers I am speaking of) and then she turned the power on. Static coming through as loud as you can imagine.

I sat down on the floor, trying to recover from the adrenaline rush. I'm pretty sure the whole thing took about 15 seconds from the time I heard the noise to when I got it shut off. The boys come back in the room with me and tell me that the dog had broken down the gate. Yep, sure enough, the gate is broken.

At this point, Little Bit was looking pretty subdued. She brought me her diaper and pajamas so I could get her dressed again. She has never done that before! I'm wondering if she thinks there is a connection between her taking her clothes off and the very scary, loud noise. Fear can be a great motivator. I wonder if she is done with the whole stripping act? :-) We shall see!

Oh, and I will be having a chat with my boys about leaving their baby sister behind to deal with the terrifying monster. Seriously boys!?!? :-)

Time to Decompress

This has been a rough week. My grandmother fell on Saturday and broke her hip. Since she broke the ball of the hip off, they did a partial hip replacement on Sunday. This is actually better than trying to heal a bone. She has been up and walking and is on the rehabilitation floor at the hospital. Of course, her falling is bringing up a host of other issues with my grandparents! My grandfather is 89 and my grandma is 85. They live alone, in the middle of the Colorado plains - about 6 miles from the nearest town. So far they have been very self-sufficient. Grandpa goes down to the creek in the fall, chops up fallen down cottonwoods and uses that for their wood stove to heat their house all winter. The last couple years he has needed help, but he still wants to do and tries to do it! He is slowing down, so Grandma has been doing the majority of the work around the house (including going outside and bringing in a load of wood whenever they need some in the house).

Life has to change for them. The prognosis for a broken hip in an 85 year old woman isn't great. Again, having a hip replacement is much better, but the question remains if she will be able to go back to the way life was - and if she can, how long until she can? My parents are coming out next week to help for when she comes home. How long can they stay? Are they willing to go live with my parents in Dallas? So many questions at this point - and so many that we cannot answer until we know how well Grandma recovers.

The bigger issue at this point is my Grandpa. He is convinced that he will be able to take care of Grandma when she comes home. He is the only one who thinks this. He doesn't cook, doesn't clean and only Saturday ran their washer and dryer for the first time (that we know of). Yesterday I rode with him to the hospital and that brought up a completely different issue. He is not safe to drive here in town. I'm guessing he's fine out where they live - he knows the area and there is very little traffic. But here? I was praying for safety within 5 minutes - and we were in the Wal-Mart parking lot!

How do you tell an 89 year old man he isn't safe to drive? How do you tell a man who fought in WWII, who was the foreman for an enormous ranch, who could rope a cow, ride a horse, who was strong and capable and independent that he can't drive?

This is a rhetorical question, as I had to say something to him this morning, before he left my house. It went much better than I anticipated, but my heart is aching today. I do love my grandparents and have been thrilled to live closer to them for the last 18 months. But it is heartbreaking to watch them get older and slower and not able to do what they want to do.

Getting old stinks.

I Think I Am Losing My Mind

Today my brain is all jumbled. WAY too much going on, way too much to think about, not nearly enough time to sit and really think about it all!

My oldest, Dawn, is 12 today. She is amazing. Really, I am humbled when I think about her. She blesses me daily with her help and, yes, even her friendship. (Is it a sign of immaturity when I enjoy hanging out with my 12 year old an awful lot?)

But, with her turning 12, I am again reminded that I am getting old. Ugh. I really really hate getting old. I was sure I would age gracefully, accepting the wrinkles and gray hairs and wisdom. Instead I feel like screaming.

Ok. I got a new computer and every now and then my screen suddenly has bigger type. I'm sure I'm accidentally hitting some combination of keys, but it really irritates me! (This commercial break brought to you by my brain.)

I'm pretty much typing exactly what is happening in my brain today, so you may not enjoy this very much. I'm not enjoying it very much today either. My brain is jumping from one thought to the next every other second.

Here is a sampling of all I keep thinking about: my grandmother is in the hospital with a broken hip; she fell because she was dizzy; her heart isn't good; my grandfather's heart isn't good either; how do we help them?; my microwave is dirty; I cleaned out my linen closet today; need to get to the laundry room next; we actually need to redo the laundry room; next Monday we might find out if we have a new assignment; if we do we really need to redo the laundry room; I really don't want to move right now; what all has to happen to sell this house?; or should we rent it?; the basement is a disaster; I need help to organize all of it down there; I probably should do that whether we're moving or not; definitely if we're moving; Little Bit has decided to strip instead of nap again; wonder if she peed in her crib again; ...

Yeah. Pretty much a random mess!

Better run. Eric's home (EARLY!!! well, it's 4:45). Need to make supper and brownies.

Oh, I should mention I'm WAY overtired and waiting for my coffee to kick in. :-0

Blog

A friend of mine just started a blog for new homeschoolers. Somewhat in response to my call for encouragement - so there Erica! :-) You can find it here: New Homeschooler's Resource.

News

Sometimes no news is just no news. We heard nothing today at all about our next military assignment. I did hear, through the wonderful wives network, that it will probably be 2 more weeks. So I will go back to my original thinking - we should hear something mid-March. Not a hard and fast date! Just sometime in March.

Today while thinking about the possibility of moving I was reminded that we really can move anywhere and be fine. We have friends or family at almost any base that seems a possibility. So while I definitely don't want to move, for many reasons, if we do, we will be stationed with friends!

Homeschooling and "The Itch"

I have two friends who started homeschooling this past year. One has 6 kids, one has 5. Kuddos to them for even attempting it at this point! :-) They both wanted to know if there is such a thing as a 7-month itch, or a nonstop itch. :-) YES! This may discourage you, but I was not comfortable with homeschooling for a few years. I knew this was the right thing to do, knew we weren't going to change it, but it is hard! A huge lifestyle change, a huge mental shift - and I only had one in school to start! So anyone else want to offer encouraging words to my newbie homeschooling friends?

Hang in there Lara and Erica!!!

Perseverance and Patience

Lately I seem to have neither of these qualities. I think I've decided I have the 7 year itch with homeschooling. Pretty similar to the 7 year itch in marriage. You're tired of it, but don't really want out. Just want a break! This is our 7th year homeschooling and I'm just tired of it. I don't want to quit, can not even imagine not homeschooling, but I just want to not do it for a while. Of course that applies to anything responsible too. Can I just jump back in time about 17 years and be an irresponsible adult for a month? Do what I want, when I want, how I want, without interruption? Ahhh, that does just sound heavenly right now. I've realized that I need an extra boost of perseverance right now. Any ideas how to get that??

And patience. Sigh. At some point, we were told that we might/should know about our next military assignment on February 23. I tucked that information away and thought I was good to go - no worries at all. But I AM thinking about it. I AM waiting very impatiently for February 23. Of course, as the day draws closer, I realize that this is the military we are talking about here. Just because someone somewhere at some point in time said February 23 does not mean ANYTHING! AND, February 23 was the day they tell SOME people about their future assignments. Not necessarily us. Sigh. I do think we can make the assumption that if we hear nothing tomorrow we are moving. Where? Who knows, don't ask. So could tomorrow hurry up and get here already? I mean, if I'm moving I need to start figuring out what has to be done to get our house on the market. I need to replace a couple lights, fix the floor in the laundry room, redo the laundry room, replace the broken blinds, box up half our belongings, keep the house pristine, be ready to leave with short notice to show the house, ... If we aren't moving, I want to rearrange the basement, redo the laundry room and, hmmm, maybe that's it! Oh, and if we're moving I have to decide how soon I should just pack up the kids and get out of here so the house can actually stay clean!

Patience. Perseverance. HELP!!

Driven

I have never been one of those driven types. Not even a goal oriented person. A goal? Isn't that something you make in sports. I don't even play team sports. My senior year of high school we had some book to fill out with pictures, quotes and memories. One thing asked what your goal was in life. My response? "To have fun." Yep. That was my goal. I do remember when I was a kid wanting to have a ranch filled with quarter horses, a large house and a building with lots of windows and only a piano inside. I think you call that a fantasy, not a goal. I have never known what I want to be when I grow up. Still don't! Most of the time now my goal is survival. Just make it through the day. And my prayer is that I will enjoy my kids. Yep, still want to just have fun.

Please explain to me how I ended up with my oldest daughter. She's 11. She knows what she wants to be when she grows up and is working towards that goal. Seriously! For a few years now she has said she wants to be a missionary nurse. Now it's even more specific than that. She wants to be a missionary nurse in Botswana with the Herero tribe. Ok. What? And she wants to be a wildlife photographer as her hobby. So now she wants to learn the language they speak in Botswana. Thankfully their primary language is English. But that's not good enough for her! She wants to know what language the Herero people speak. Well, they speak Herero. Thankfully for her she has connections to Wycliffe Bible Translator people (her grandparents). They just happen to know a guy who just came back from Botswana. Not sure if he speaks Herero. She also is doubling up on school work so that she can graduate early and finish college early.

My head is spinning. Did I mention she works out with us too? Can we all say DRIVEN? She knows what she wants and is working towards it. At 11. I'm a bit older than that and I can barely tell you what I want to accomplish in a day, much less for my life. She also knows more about raising kids than I did when I had kids.

She also doesn't like chocolate. If it weren't for the fact that our children are all clones of each other I would seriously question if she had been switched at the hospital. :-)

Now, she is just like her Daddy. :-)

Help

I have a huge problem asking for help. I'm sure you can point to whichever sin it is in my life that causes me to be this way. Please don't. It isn't that I think I can do it all - I know I can't. I just hate to ask someone for help and then burden them or have them say "no". I get super embarrassed, apologize all over myself for even asking. I guess it's not that I think I can do it all it is that I think I should be able to do it all.

I can't do it all. Eric is now working 2 jobs. Both in the Air Force. At 2 different bases. At least both his jobs are in the same state (he has a tendency to have offices in two separate states). The bases are actually only 30 minutes apart. The problem is that he is now completely overwhelmed at work. He has not been working any longer hours, but he is STRESSED. And he won't work longer hours (despite telling me he really could work until 7 or 8 every night) because he doesn't feel it is fair to me. So he comes home at 5:30, stressed, distracted, overwhelmed, grumpy. Hmmm. There has to be a better way!!!

What is my reaction? I want to do more to lessen his load. I really can't do much more though. I'm pretty much maxed out myself. Guess this means I need to get some help - someone to come help clean, someone to be with me a couple evenings a week so he doesn't feel badly not coming home until late, someone to babysit so I can do the grocery shopping (he currently does this for me). I finally decide I HAVE to ask.

This takes a lot of nerve on my part. The whole calling thing. Again, I don't know why. I'm willing to pay!!! But I know people are busy. Our culture is full of people who are way too busy. Maybe I feel I will be rejected if I ask for help??? Could be. Whatever I make a phone call. No answer. Call another person. My friend is not home, but her husband is. So I present him with our issue. No help. Not because he doesn't want to be helpful, but he can't think of someone either (these are families in our church, so we know the same people - he just knows them better than I do). I hang up the phone and start crying. What is wrong with me?

So, hey, if anyone wants to make a few extra bucks a week, I want to pay someone to help me. I need someone who can babysit, help clean the house some, make a meal, feed kids ... A part time nanny! And, oh, did I mention I really needed the help a couple months ago, so the sooner the better? Would help if you can drive. And like kids. :-) Oh, and did I mention you might need to live close by? :-)

Where is my mother when I need her??????

Mice

If you know me, you know I detest mice. I hate them, I'm afraid of them, I cringe at the thought of them.

A couple days ago, Dawn's dog, Lucy, was digging in the back yard. Anne and a friend were in the back yard, encouraging the dog as she dug a big hole. When Lucy dug up a mouse nest and started running off with mice in her mouth, Anne's encouragement changed to horror. Somehow she got Lucy to stop running and put the mice down. Anne quickly decided she had to rescue the mice. She put a bucket over them and ran inside to tell me she had rescued two mice. Great. Nice. Gross. I personally would have been fine with the dog killing them.

Anne started begging me to let her keep the mice. In the house. Not happening. Thankfully, Eric completely backed me on this. Anne found a plastic bin in the shed and decided it was the perfect mouse house. She put dirt in the bottom, took a couple old kitchen towels I had, filled a cup with sunflower seeds, filled a lid with water, placed some boards on the top of the bin. There you go! A mouse house. Since it's cold and snowing here, I figured they would die pretty quickly. No chance. They are still living. The girls have to check on them every couple of hours. "Mommy, it's WARM in their house!" "Mommy, when we go check on them they poke their cute noses out!"

Apparently one of the mice was injured when Lucy was carrying it in her mouth. It cannot use it's back legs! Anne thinks it's legs are broken. I'm guessing it has a broken back. Since I'm unwilling to even look at the mice, no chance of me picking it up to examine it. And the girls aren't allowed to pick them up either (they used a shovel to pick them up and move them around). Anne thinks we should take the mouse to the vet. Fat chance of that happening! Besides, the vet would put the thing out of it's misery pretty quickly.

I think this means we have two new pets. The girls have named them Prince Martin and Matthias. Okey dokey. Whatever works. As long as they stay outside and I never have to look at them, fine with me.

Cookies Part 2

I made another attempt at healthy cookies yesterday. Since they are pretty much all gone, I'll say they were a success! I took a standard oatmeal cookie recipe and tweaked it. For the sugar, I did half brown sugar and half agave nectar. I used half the amount of butter and used coconut oil for the rest. Whole wheat flour, oats, nuts. Not bad for a cookie! Last time I added ground flax seed, but forgot this time. I would say they are semi-healthy cookies. They ARE cookies after all! The only thing I might do differently next time would be to use a little less agave nectar. I think it called for a total of 2 cups of sugar. I did one cup brown sugar and one cup agave nectar. The cookies are plenty sweet and very very soft. A little less "wet" would have been good.

I have redeemed myself after making cumin cookies! Of course, when I told Eric I made cookies and didn't add cumin he asked me if I had added curry. :-)

Cookies

So Melissa is wondering what has happened to me. Thanks Melissa! :-) I'm here, just had an inability to come up with anything to write about. Here's my attempt...

I love cookies. Chocolate chip cookies are WONDERFUL. I could eat a million in one setting. But I know they are so bad for you, so I always want to make my cookies healthy. I started using whole wheat flour in them, which does help. There is still a bunch of sugar and butter though. I've made oatmeal chocolate chip (with whole wheat flour) for a long time. Better, but still... A couple weeks ago, I decided to try to make super healthy chocolate chip oatmeal cookies. Whole wheat flour, coconut oil instead of butter, agave nectar for half the sugar (brown sugar for the rest), ground up flax seeds to add more good stuff. They could be really good! The texture is great, they are even a bit soft, which my oatmeal cookies are normally not soft. There was one fairly noticeable problem with these cookies. See, another thing I love in my cookies is cinnamon. I usually just open the top on the cinnamon and pour. Yum. Cinnamon is good for you too! :-) As I made these healthy cookies, I reached in the cupboard while the mixer was mixing, grabbed the cinnamon, opened the top and poured some into the batter. Except that I grabbed the cumin by mistake. Yeah. Cumin. Another issue I have is an inability to throw something away that might, potentially be ok. I decided to not throw out the batter and start over. I just added the cinnamon I should have added, threw in the rest of the ingredients and cooked them. Yes, I made Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cumin Cookies. As you can imagine, they are NOT good. They aren't horrid, but they are NOT good. My sister, after I forced her to try one, said they tasted like armpit (not sure how she knows what armpit tastes like, but I was laughing too hard to ask). Maybe they should be called Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cumin Armpit Cookies. Nah, that sounds even worse!

Funny part of all this? I finally decided to throw away TWO bags of cookies the other day. I mean, really, they weren't disappearing very quickly. David opens the pantry door, sees the two bags of cookies in the trash and wails, "But MOM, I like the Cumin Cookies!" This is my child who rebels against normal food! I told him he could take the bags of cookies out of the trash and today I told him he could eat as many Cumin Cookies as he likes.

But hey, they ARE healthy. Right?

Gag.

Lots of Randomness

I realized that I haven't blogged in a bit. Not that anyone's been knocking on my e-mail (you can't really say door here, can you) and wondering why. :-) I didn't blog partly because it was Christmas and we were out of town. But mainly I just can't think of what to say these days! I know, shocker, me without something to say.

Let's see. I'm trying to get healthy this year. Turns out that neglecting your body for 12 years makes it unhealthy. Who'd have thought. I'm having some "hormone issues" that I'm trying to fix naturally. So I've cut out sugar, trying to go back to a more vegetarian diet, drinking tons more water, taking supplements to help my liver function and trying to exercise 5 times a week. And I count walking to the park with the kids as exercise! (If you've ever walked with me, you know I can't walk slowly.) I'm doing fairly well at all of this. I actually DO need to lose weight (all of you who think that just because I'm little means I'm skinny, you're wrong - I'm 10 pounds overweight for my height and frame size).

I can't remember what all I've mentioned about Eric's work. Probably not much considering I don't know anything! :-) Well, he will officially be a Colonel on May 1. I'm actually not excited about that - I mean, seriously, how old are Colonel's? Argh. And, to be a Colonel's wife? What kind of negative connotations are associated with that? MANY. We've been hoping that he could get a job here and stay here. So far it's been "yes" one week, "no" the next week and "maybe" the week after that. This week it's "most likely". We shall see!!!

Little Bit is 16 months old today! She is still a sweet, adorable child, but she's quickly turning into a true toddler. She's taken up biting whenever frustrated. Interesting that she's bitten David the most often. :-) She climbs anything she can and then sits there and yells "done". She's learning a new word every day it seems!

That's all I can think of to tell you right now. If you have any burning questions you want answered or great topics I could write about, toss your ideas my way.