I have a huge problem asking for help. I'm sure you can point to whichever sin it is in my life that causes me to be this way. Please don't. It isn't that I think I can do it all - I know I can't. I just hate to ask someone for help and then burden them or have them say "no". I get super embarrassed, apologize all over myself for even asking. I guess it's not that I think I can do it all it is that I think I should be able to do it all.
I can't do it all. Eric is now working 2 jobs. Both in the Air Force. At 2 different bases. At least both his jobs are in the same state (he has a tendency to have offices in two separate states). The bases are actually only 30 minutes apart. The problem is that he is now completely overwhelmed at work. He has not been working any longer hours, but he is STRESSED. And he won't work longer hours (despite telling me he really could work until 7 or 8 every night) because he doesn't feel it is fair to me. So he comes home at 5:30, stressed, distracted, overwhelmed, grumpy. Hmmm. There has to be a better way!!!
What is my reaction? I want to do more to lessen his load. I really can't do much more though. I'm pretty much maxed out myself. Guess this means I need to get some help - someone to come help clean, someone to be with me a couple evenings a week so he doesn't feel badly not coming home until late, someone to babysit so I can do the grocery shopping (he currently does this for me). I finally decide I HAVE to ask.
This takes a lot of nerve on my part. The whole calling thing. Again, I don't know why. I'm willing to pay!!! But I know people are busy. Our culture is full of people who are way too busy. Maybe I feel I will be rejected if I ask for help??? Could be. Whatever I make a phone call. No answer. Call another person. My friend is not home, but her husband is. So I present him with our issue. No help. Not because he doesn't want to be helpful, but he can't think of someone either (these are families in our church, so we know the same people - he just knows them better than I do). I hang up the phone and start crying. What is wrong with me?
So, hey, if anyone wants to make a few extra bucks a week, I want to pay someone to help me. I need someone who can babysit, help clean the house some, make a meal, feed kids ... A part time nanny! And, oh, did I mention I really needed the help a couple months ago, so the sooner the better? Would help if you can drive. And like kids. :-) Oh, and did I mention you might need to live close by? :-)
Where is my mother when I need her??????
7 comments:
Call the youth pastor at your church and ask for some college age or homeschool students who would like to earn $.
College age is the way to go. THey have daytime hours, some of them and they're a bit older. THe youth pastor at a church will know of the college age kids still living at home.
It's an idea.
Sorry. I feel your pain! It's OKAY to ask for help! You may really be a blessing to someone else giving them a job! That's a GOOD thing.
Ack, Tonya! I thought moving to where you are was supposed to make things easier!
I'll say a prayer for you that you find the help you need! Good job taking it into your own hands and asking for it!
Yes, Mau, this move was supposed to "fix" part of these issues. And, if things had gone according to OUR plan, Eric would be on the home stretch prior to retiring from the AF. Not that we would be without stresses then (another job, potential move), but because he is getting promoted (April 30 - you guys coming out??) they gave him an "extra" job. Which we are hoping leads into a job here instead of a move this summer!!
Trish, I sent you a reply via e-mail. Did you get it?
I agree with Tricia, find a youth that is willing to help out. Hang in there...if you lived closer you could drop them off here and they could join the chaos. :)
ditto on the college age youth. did i tell you that i just hired a college student ( who babysits for a friend of mine) for 2 mornings a week. she starts thursday. maybe she has a distant cousin who lives in CO :)
the help will come, but you have to ask and pray.... i think that YOU gave me that advice :)!!!!
you are a terrific wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister, and servant... knowing you need help doesn't change that.
love you, Lara
Oh Tonya, I really feel for you. I am so the same way about asking for help. That is one reason why Bob and I so rarely went on dates or anything--I had such a hard time even FINDING anyone who would watch 7 kids, much less feed them or anything! I will say that now that Nathan is 12 and can stay home with everyone, life is SOOOO much easier. I go grocery shopping by myself with him at home.
I really hope you can find someone to clean. I had a cleaning lady come in one time, but I felt so awkward! And then I had to cancel the second time she was supposed to come, and I thought she said she was going to call to reschedule, but she never did, and I am awkwardly not calling her either . . . It was so nice to have the house be all clean at one time though. I really need someone to come in regularly, even though I feel like a big fmaily failure (doesn't it seem like everyone with big families has chores down to a science, and everything always looks great?! Not me, LOL.)
Anyways, just sympathizing with you. I will pray the Lord will lead you to the right person. Hang in there!
dude! I'd help if I lived closer!! Hang in there! xoxoxoxx
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